


Long Road.

by lizibabes



Category: Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Assault, Character Death, M/M, Prostitution, Sex, Suicide, Underage - Freeform, alcohol use, drugs/use and dealing, dub-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 10:14:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1158413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy has gone through a lot in his life, the one constant has always been music, so when a contest comes up for guitar players he decides to hell with it, he might as well try. This contest might just have the power to turn his life around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long Road.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [harshinib](https://archiveofourown.org/users/harshinib/gifts).



> Beta: casey270  
>  For harshinib. AU world in which Adam won idol and has started working on an album and is looking for a band. Some facts altered for sake of fic, like Tommy is an only child and a year younger than Adam. Canon events chopped and changed.

They’re in the car, and Tommy is half asleep in the backseat. His mom was reading to him, but the story is finished, and she's talking quietly to his dad. It's latter than Tommy usually gets to stay up. Even though he keeps saying he's old enough now, at ten, not to have a bedtime anymore, his parents don't agree. But tonight they were at some party for his dad's work, so he got to stay up.

The party had been kind of boring, but there had been a band playing that had been kind of cool, and Tommy had hung out near the stage for most of the night. He really liked music. Like his dad, he liked the blues. Even now there was music on the radio but turned down low. Tommy had been asking for a guitar and guitar lessons for his next birthday and he's pretty sure his parents might be giving in.

They’d said no to begin with. His mom had been worried that he’d get bored with it after five minutes, and the guitar would end up collecting dust in his locker, but Tommy’s so sure that he won't get bored. He loves music, really loves music. 

His eyelids are getting heavy, and he's hoping they’ll be home soon. All he wants to do is crawl into bed and sleep. Maybe he isn't ready to stay up as late as he thought he was. He's half asleep when suddenly there’s a screeching noise.

The car flips, he's in the air, his heart racing. He can hear his mom screaming, his dad yelling, but he doesn't make a sound. He feels like he's underwater, nothing feels real, and then the car is coming down, and they roll and roll. The noise is terrible, and he can still hear his mother screaming.

Then everything stops. The car is upside down. His seatbelt is digging in as it holds him to the seat. He can see broken glass glittering in the darkness beneath him.

"Mom? Dad?" Tommy calls out. His chest hurts, and he's afraid.

No one answers him, and his stomach clenches in fear. He’s suddenly very sure that something is very, very wrong.

He wiggles around a little till he can get his seatbelt off, and he falls out of his seat with a thud, the glass from the broken windows crunching beneath him. The chunks of glass look like ice or diamonds, only they catch at his skin and make him hiss at the slight pain.

His shirt is ripped at the front, and he can't really see the cut in the dark, but it burns, and he can see blood on the blue material of the shirt he'd worn to the party. 

He crawls around until he can get his head between the gap in the front seats. The first thing he notices is the spider web pattern in the front windscreen mirror. Then he sees the blood on his mom's head. It's dripping down her face and onto her party dress. 

"Mom, mom? Wake up. Are you okay? Please wake up," Tommy begs. Her eyes are closed. 

He turns to look at his dad and he can't see anything wrong, but his dad's eyes are closed as well. They both look like they’re sleeping, but Tommy knows that they aren't just sleeping. He knows he needs to do something, so he crawls over to his window. It's broken, so he crawls out.

Now that he is out, he's not sure what to do. There is another car ahead of his dad's car. It's off the road in a ditch, the front all smashed up. As Tommy stands staring, another car pulls over, and people get out.

"Call an ambulance," the man says, and a woman comes over to Tommy.

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" she asks.

"My mom and dad won't wake up," Tommy tells her.

"They'll be okay. Everything will be fine," she promises, and she holds his hand till the ambulance gets there.

It feels like it takes forever, but Tommy isn't sure how long it really is before he sees flashing lights. There is an ambulance, a police car and a fire truck, and they make Tommy stay back while they start doing stuff to the car. It's like something he's seen on TV. Only this is real, and he feels sick and dizzy and like his feet are stuck to the ground. He doesn't want this to be real.

Tommy is watching the paramedics when one turns to the other. There’s blood on his white-gloved hand. The paramedic shakes his head slowly, and his partner looks over to where Tommy is standing. She looks so sad, and Tommy thinks he might be sick. Something is wrong; something is really wrong. 

"I'm so sorry," someone says, and Tommy's heart starts to beat harder in his chest. His vision starts to go dark, and the next thing he knows the ground is rushing up to meet him.

He wakes up in a hospital room, machines beeping and a nurse beside him.

"Where's my mom and dad?" Tommy asks, fear making his voice tremble. 

"You’re awake," the nurse says softly.

"Where are my mom and dad?" he asks, voice rising.

"I'm so sorry. They didn't make it." She says it so simply, like her words aren't destroying his whole world.

He can feel his heart breaking as the tears fall.

 

++++++++++++

They found an acoustic guitar in his parent’s closet, in a case with a ribbon on it. He takes it with him along with a bag of clothes. Everything he owns in bags, because he's moving, leaving the home he's lived in his whole life. All he has left of his family are pictures. He has grandparents on his dad's side, but they’re old and live in assisted living, so they can't take him. His mom never talked about her parents, but Tommy guesses if they are alive they don't want him because a lady from social services takes him from his house to a group home. 

"Now I know this is going to be a big change for you, and you've already been through a lot. But I swear the Hunters are lovely people. They'll take good care of you. And there are lots of other kids to play with, some around your age," she promises, but it doesn't make Tommy feel any better. He wants his mom and dad, but he knows he doesn't get to have them back.

"You ready to go inside Tommy?" she asks. If she told him her name, he can't remember. He feels rude; his parents taught him better, but he feels like he's living inside of a thick fog. 

"Yeah, I'm ready." He doesn't feel ready, but he doesn't want to stay in the car either. He feels like he's suffocating, but he's felt like that for the last four days, since the accident. 

They get out of the car, and she helps him carry his things up to the house. It looks like a nice ordinary place. He's maybe even driven by it with his parents. He had no idea it was a group home. He doesn't know what he expected a group home to look like. Something scarier, maybe. But this place is so normal it doesn't feel right. Losing his parents is like living in a nightmare. It feels like everything else should fit into that. Everything in his life now should belong in a nightmare. 

A red haired woman opens the door and smiles at him. It's a kind smile, but it has something off about it, but then all the smiles he's seen in the last days have been off, like the smiles from the kind nurses. He knew they were trying to make him feel better, but they’d felt sorry for him.

"Hello, Tommy. Helen’s told me all about you. Come in." The red haired woman beams and opens the door wider to let them in.

The house is warm and bright and smells of something cooking. Helen talks to the other lady, calls her Mary. Tommy just stands beside them, gripping his guitar case.

"Tommy, this is my husband Larry," Mary says when a man comes over. He's big, taller than both women. His shoulders are broad. He reminds Tommy of a bear. He has red hair like his wife, but much shorter.

"Hi," Tommy says softly. These people seem nice. He wants to be polite. It's what his parent's would have wanted him to do, and he wants to make them proud, even if they aren't around anymore. 

"Well, I'll leave you to settle in. Call me if you have any questions or problems," Helen says, straightening her blue suit jacket. It makes Tommy think of the cloths his mom wore when she was working as a receptionist, and the memory makes his throat feel tight.

"I'm sure we won't have any problems." Mary smiles brightly, and she shows Helen to the door.

Once she's gone, Tommy finds himself standing in front of Mary and Larry. They seem kind.

"Now we don't have many rules here. You'll have a curfew and a bed time," Mary explains.

"You won't have any chores yet, only the older kids do. But we will expect you to keep your room tidy. You'll be sharing with Liam. He's a year older than you. A very clean boy. He's a little quiet, but I'm sure you'll get along," Larry adds.

"Come on. I'll show you to your room so that you can rest before dinner." Mary puts her hand on his shoulder, and Tommy follows her upstairs.

There is another boy in the room, working at the desk set between the two beds. He doesn't look up when Mary and Tommy walk in, just keeps writing. Which is okay with Tommy. Normally he's a chatty guy, but right now he doesn't really feel like making friends. 

He puts his stuff down and sits on the bed.

"I'll call you boys for dinner. Be nice to Tommy, Liam," Mary instructs, and then she leaves them alone.

"They seem really nice to begin with, but don't let that fool you," Liam says without looking up or turning around.

"What?" Tommy asks, but Liam doesn't say anything else.

Tommy figures it out a week latter when Larry hits him for the first time, in front of Mary and some of the other kids. No one reacts. Tommy's too stunned to cry. That night in bed he starts to think maybe the whole world is made up of nightmares. You just can't always see the monsters right away.

 

++++++++++++

 

Five years latter 

He's out back of the school gym smoking with Liam when he spots Jake. Jake is new to their group home, and he's a senior, almost eighteen, but he looks older. He's taller than most the kids at school, bigger than the jocks, and he has some very illegal tattoo's on his arms and hands. Tommy's heard rumours that some of them are from juvie.

Jake's kind of good looking, but kind of scary too. Tommy hasn't talked to him before, apart from asking him to pass something in the kitchen, but he comes over now.

"Got a light?" Jake asks.

"Um yeah," Tommy fumbles in his pocket for a lighter. He has to hide them at the home because Mary really doesn't approve of smoking, and if you do something Mary doesn't approve of then Larry gets mad, and when Larry gets mad, Tommy and the others end up hiding bruises.

"Tommy, right?" Jake asks as he lights up.

 

"Yeah." Tommy nods. 

"I want to talk to you," Jake tells him and gives Liam a look that makes the other boy squirm.

"I'm gonna go. Class," Liam says softly and practically runs away, leaving Tommy with Jake. There are a few other smokers around, though, so Tommy isn't too afraid. Besides, even if Jake does hit him, it's not that big of a deal. He's gotten used to it living with Larry.

"He doesn't talk much does he?" Jake asks, gesturing with his cigarette in the direction Liam went.

"Not really. I share a room with him, and it's almost like having a room to myself most the time," Tommy admits.

He'd consider Liam a friend. They hang out at school, but they don't really talk a lot, at school or at the house. But he doesn't take it personally. Liam doesn't talk a lot to anyone, hardly ever opens his mouth in class. Tommy knows that he's been in care his whole life. He thinks maybe that has something to do with how quiet he is.

"I know what's going on at the house. I know Larry hits you," Jake says, quiet but calm.

"I, ah, he's like that with everyone," Tommy stutters.

"Not me, he isn't." Jake blows out smoke into Tommy's face, and Tommy remembers his own cigarette, takes a drag. 

"You got a point?" Tommy asks, feeling twitchy. No one talks about what Larry does. None of the kids at the house do. Liam only gave him that one vague warning five years ago, but they don't talk about it, and Larry hits Liam too.

"You know why he doesn't hit me?" Jake asks.

"Because you’re big?" Tommy guesses, looking at Jake and his shaggy brown hair and sharp blue eyes. He's definitely scary looking, tough, but he's hot. Tommy's not too sure what to do with the fact he's been noticing how guys look a lot lately, and there’s no one he can talk to about it.

"And he knows I'd hit back," Jake nods.

"I can't hit him back. He'd kill me." Tommy’s tried working out, walking everywhere, but he stays small, and he's in desperate need of a growth spurt. 

"I could stop him," Jake says casually.

"You could?" Tommy asks, cautiously, He's gotten used to the way things are at the group home. All the kids do eventually, because they all know that no one will believe them over Mary and Larry. So the idea of someone being able to change that? It's kind of mind blowing. But he doesn't believe it either.

"I could." Jake nods.

"How?" Tommy asks.

"I tell him to leave you alone, or else. He's afraid of me. I've done a lot of bad things, Tommy, and I know a lot of bad people. The Hunters only took me in because they were pushed and wanted the money. But they're scared of me." Jake smiles slightly, and he looks handsome when he does. 

"You'd do that?" Tommy can't imagine a life without Larry hitting him. He's thought about running away a hundred times, but he has nowhere to go.

"Yeah, I’d do that, for a price." Jake shrugs.

"I don't have any money." Tommy feels his heart sink. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, not even for a second.

"That's not the price I was thinking of," Jake says, stubbing out his cigarette.

"Then what?" All Tommy owns is his much used acoustic guitar and second hand clothes. He doesn't see how he can have anything that Jake would want.

"Come to my room tonight. After Mary and Larry go to bed," Jake tells him.

"To give you what?" Tommy asks.

"Come on, you can't be that clueless." Jake snorts.

"I have no idea what you want from me," Tommy says honestly.

"Just be a good friend and help me out, and I'll help you out." Jake looks around before reaching out and running a finger down Tommy's cheek, stopping at the corner of his mouth and scraping a nail over Tommy's bottom lip.

Heat sparks in Tommy's gut, but at the same time he feels a little ill. Because he thinks he knows what Jake wants from him, and it's beyond what Tommy would think of doing for a friend.

But he is so sick of Larry hitting him. Maybe it could be worth it, and it can't be anything that bad, and he kind of likes Jake. The idea of doing something for him, it freaks him out a little, but a part of him is kind of flattered that this hot older guy wants him. 

No ones ever really wanted Tommy like that before. He's kissed a couple of girls at school, but that was nothing. He liked it, tough. Maybe he'll like this. And he wouldn't have to be afraid anymore.

"I'll come to your room tonight. Okay?" Tommy says softly.

"Good. I'll see you tonight." Jake nods, and he leaves Tommy standing there alone, lost in his thoughts. He has to wonder what exactly Jake will want from him. He has ideas, but he's really not sure. 

 

+++++++++

The house is dark and quiet when Tommy sneaks out of his room. Liam is already asleep. He doesn't think he'll get caught, but that isn't why the nerves are rolling in his stomach. He's been thinking about this all day, about going to Jake's bedroom. He's kissed people before, but he’s never really done anything else, and he has a feeling that Jake wants him to do a lot more than kiss.

But still he sneaks down the hallway and slips inside Jake's room. Because he's hoping that whatever Jake wants from him, that it's not as bad as having to be afraid all of the time. He's scared of this, of the unknown quality to it, but he's more afraid of Larry and how fond the man is of raising his fists to Tommy.

"Lock the door," Jake tells him as Tommy closes it behind him. His hands tremble a little as he works the lock.

"Um, hi," Tommy says, feeling awkward. He's never been in any situation even remotely like this. He has no idea how to act. 

"Your real shy, aren't you?" Jake asks. He's sitting on the edge of his bed, facing Tommy. He looks calm and casual in a T-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts.

"I guess so." Tommy shrugs uncomfortably. He doesn't really like to think about it. He knows he's not like a lot of the other kids at school. He gets called weird a lot, but he can't help the way he is now. He used to be different. He used to be 'normal' back when his life was normal.

"It's kind of cute." Jake stands up and walks over, and he is so much bigger than Tommy, it makes him swallow hard, his throat sandpaper dry.

"You afraid of me, Tommy?" Jake asks, standing so close to Tommy that their toes are almost touching.

"Y...yes," Tommy admits.

"Don't be." Jake raises his hand and cups Tommy's cheek. "I'll never hit you when you don't deserve it. I'm not like Larry," Jake promises.

That was almost the hardest part to get used to, about Larry hitting him. It was because he didn't understand why. It wasn't like he was a bad kid. He followed the rules. He didn't talk back. But Larry still got mad at him, still hit him. The confusion had sometimes been worse than the pain. He hated not knowing what he was being punished for. His parents had never hit him. When he was punished, grounded or whatever, they always made sure he knew why.

"I don't think you're like him. He's mean for no reason. A bully. I haven’t seen you do anything like that." He kind of likes the feel of Jake's big hand on his cheek. It's weirdly grounding.

"Good, I'm not a bully. I won't make you do anything. You get that right? You have a choice here. You’re good to me, and I help you, but I won't hurt you if you don't do it. I'll just leave you alone," Jake explains, and it seems so reasonable.

"I just want it to stop. I'm so tiered of wondering when the next time he's going to loose his temper with me will be. I sometimes think he hates me the worst, more than the other kids. He's always going off on me." Tommy sighs.

"Well I can stop that, I can promise you that. I learned how to deal with bullies a long time ago. I don't take shit from anybody." Jake grins slightly, and Tommy believes him. This is a guy who doesn't get pushed around. He's tough. 

"So what do I have to do?" Tommy asks, his voice shaking a little. He's not going to lie. He's scared here, shitting himself a little.

"We can start slow. I'll show you what to do. Just relax, okay?" Jake tells him, and Tommy nods, even though he doesn't think relaxing will come to him that easily.

Jake leans in and kisses him, and Tommy's too stunned to react for a second. For some reason he’d thought maybe Jake would just want other stuff and not, like, kissing, but he shakes off his shock quickly. He's done this before, at least. He knows how to kiss.

It feels different than kissing a girl, though. None of the girls he’s kissed have pressed him up against a door. None of them felt so much bigger and stronger than him. But he finds he kind of likes the feel of a broad chest against his. He likes having to tip his head up to be able to kiss properly. 

Jake keeps one hand on his face and slides the other down his back, and Tommy startles a little when Jake grabs a handful of his ass, pulls him closer by it, and when there hips press together, Tommy can feel that Jake’s hard, and he's getting there, too. This doesn't seem so scary. It seems thrilling, like his first guitar lesson at school, but different. He feels like maybe he's shaking all over, but it's not because he's afraid right now.

"Come over to the bed," Jake murmurs against his damp lips, and Tommy feels his heart kick in his chest. 

"Okay." Tommy nods, and Jake backs up, walks over to the bed, and Tommy follows him, heart beating a mile a minute. 

Jake lays down on the bed, legs spread and holds his hand out. It takes Tommy a second to get what he wants, but he gives Jake his hand, and Jake tugs him closer until Tommy is kneeling over him on the bed. Jake cups the back of Tommy's head and draws him closer, and then they’re kissing again, but this time Jake’s moving more, his hands on Tommy's body, his hips against Tommy's and he's having a hard time keeping his own hips still. It's like they have a life of there own, and he's hard between his legs now.

"Take your shirt off," Jake orders, tugging at the material of Tommy's sleep T-shirt.

 

He's a little self-conscious, because he's so skinny, and Jake is all toned and muscular. And then there's his scar, that horrible jagged scar on his chest. He hadn't thought about having to show Jake that.

"Tommy," Jake says firmly, and Tommy thinks now or never. He has to do this, and if Jake thinks he's a skinny scared freak, sees what Tommy sees in the mirror, this might be over before it starts.

But Jake doesn't look at him like he's disappointed or disgusted or anything. He runs his hands up over Tommy's chest, his back, making him shiver.

"Larry didn't do this, did he?" Jake asks, running a finger over the scar the glass in the car crash made. Tommy hates Jake touching it, but he doesn't dare tell him to stop.

"No," Tommy whispers.

"Who did it then?" Jake presses.

"No one. It was an accident. Can we not talk about it?" Tommy asks hopefully. He feels sick even thinking about it. That scar is a reminder of the worst day of his life. He hates looking at it. He wishes he could erase it from his skin. 

"Okay." Jake nods, and thankfully he stops touching Tommy's scar, and something in his chest starts to ease and loosen up the moment Jake's fingers leave the crooked line. 

"Take the rest off," Jake tells him, and this time Tommy hesitates. He's been shirtless around people before, but not naked, but he guesses he should have been prepared for this when he agreed to come to Jake's room.

"Come on. You’re doing so good. Just keep going. I won't hurt you; I promise," Jake says, stroking Tommy's skin like he's soothing a wild animal.

"I don't think you'll hurt me." And he doesn't, because Jake has done nothing to make him think that. It seems like Jake likes him, so it wouldn't make sense for Jake to hurt him on purpose. 

"Then what is it?" Jake asks, but he doesn't sound impatient. 

"I haven't really done this before. I don't know what you'll think of me," Tommy admits.

"You’re just feeling shy? That's okay. And don't worry about not having done this before. Everyone has to start somewhere. It'll be okay." Jake's voice is low and reassuring, and it makes Tommy feel like he can do this, so he lifts up awkwardly and gets rid of the rest of his clothes.

The moment he does, Jake grabs him, pulls him close and kisses him hard. And his hands feel like they’re everywhere: his stomach, his chest, his back, his ass and even his dick, and it's all a little overwhelming.

And then Jake moves them, flipping their positions on the bed with ease. It makes Tommy's stomach summersault. Once he's on his back, Jake starts stripping off his own clothes, and he has more tattoo's than Tommy knew about, dark on his tanned skin. Tentatively, Tommy reaches up and touches the ones on Jake's chest.

"You like them?" Jake asks, his arms framing Tommy's head, tense and toned.

"Yeah." Tommy nods.

"You'd look good with some ink." Jake trails his fingertips down Tommy's arm.

"You think?" He's always liked tattoos but never seriously thought about getting any.

"Yeah, I'll take you to a place someday. I know places that don't ask for I.D," Jake offers, and it's probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever offered Tommy, at least in the last five years.

Jake kisses him again, and it feels different now they both have their clothes off, more intense. When Jake stops kissing him, Tommy wonders why, but then Jake leans over, opening the drawer beside his bed. He comes back with a tube of lube and a condom, and Tommy's heart really starts to race. For the first time since he came to Jake's room, he feels panicked.

"Shh, it's okay," Jake says, so Tommy guesses his fear is showing in his face.

Jake moves down between his legs, taking his supplies with him, and Tommy tries to calm his breathing. He's liked everything so far. There’s no reason he won't like this as well. He tries to tell himself that it's not a big deal. It's only sex, but it kind of feels like a big deal.

He jumps when he feels Jake's cold, slick fingers on his hole.

"Stay still," Jake says firmly.

"I'll try," Tommy says softly.

"You can do it. You've never let anyone touch you here before?" Jake asks, his fingers circling Tommy's hole, making him squirm.

"No." Tommy shakes his head.

"Never done it to yourself?" Jake's finger starts to press in, and it doesn't really feel bad, more weird.

"Nu uh," Tommy admits.

"Just relax. It's a lot easier if you relax. I promise I know how to make it good for you. I've done this lots of times, and no one’s ever complained," Jake says calmly, and Tommy tries to relax.

He lies back, trying to get comfortable and trying to not really think about the fact that those are Jake's fingers in his ass. One doesn't feel like much, but two is a stretch, and Tommy thinks about asking Jake to slow down. But he doesn't want to piss Jake off. Jake is being nice to him. Jake is going to help him with Larry. Tommy can do this for him, and it'll probably get good anyway.

"Bear down," Jake tells him as he pushes a third finger inside, and that kind of hurts a little, and maybe it shows on his face, because Jake leans up and captures his mouth in a kiss, and it distracts Tommy a little, and before he knows it, Jake is moving those three fingers pretty easily. 

Jake stops kissing him, and Tommy looks down, sees Jake rolling on the condom. His heart starts beating like a drum again, but he tries to take a deep breath, tries to calm down, because Jake said being relaxed would make it easier. 

Tattooed hands on his hips move him on the bed, spread his legs wider, and Jake is there, the blunt head of his cock against Tommy's hole, pushing in. And he's scared, but kind of turned on. He likes Jake. He's hot, and he's been making Tommy feel good. But when he pushes in it hurts, and Tommy tenses up.

"Relax. Damn, you’re tight," Jake groans.

"Trying." Tommy tries to relax, closing his eyes and trying to think of anything but the pain. Jake keeps pushing in, further and further until their hips are pressed together and Tommy has never felt so full, so stretched. It turns out that dick is nothing like fingers.

Jake starts thrusting, and at first it doesn't feel good. It's painful and uncomfortable, but he tries to stay as relaxed as possible, to move with Jake. And after a while, it starts to feel, not good exactly, but not so bad, not so painful.

It gets even better when Jake wraps a hand around his cock, and he gasps a little.

"You like that?" Jake asks. He looks kind of pleased with himself.

"Yeah." Tommy nods, and when Jake kisses him he can feel Jake's smile against his lips.

Jake starts thrusting a little harder, moving a little faster, and Tommy feels pleasure spark through his body. It actually feels kind of good, and he has to muffle a moan against Jake's lips.

It hits him that he's getting fucked. Jake is fucking him, and he's enjoying it, and that again is a little overwhelming, but he tries to just focus on the pleasure, on Jake's hand on his cock, of the feeling of Jake inside of him, rubbing against places that make his whole body light up. 

"I'm gonna come. You feel close?" Jake asks, rubbing his thumb over the head of Tommy's cock and making him gasp.

"Yeah, I think so." Tommy nods, and Jake speeds up, his thrusts loosing rhythm but coming harder and faster, and Jake's hand keeps moving, faster and faster, and suddenly Jake shudders, biting down onto Tommy's shoulder to hide the sound he makes as his hips jerk. 

He keeps stroking Tommy's cock even as he slumps forward, looking boneless, and Tommy reaches up, kisses him, feels pleasure prickling at his skin, running all through his body, and he's jerked off before, but it feels different, coming with somebody inside of him.

Once Tommy comes, Jake pulls out, and that kind of hurts, like his hole is stinging, twitching almost, and he feels empty. Jake ditches the condom and hands Tommy some tissues to clean up his stomach. Tommy cleans up his come and then dabs at the lube on his inner thighs, but not his hole. It feels weird now.

"Stay a little while, but don't fall asleep. You don't want to be found here in the morning," Jake says, getting back into bed and somehow fitting them both into the narrow space. 

"I told you it wouldn't be bad," Jake says, playing with Tommy's hair a little.

"You were right," Tommy agrees.

"So we can keep being good friends? And I'll protect you. I'll have to leave when I'm eighteen, but I'll make sure Larry doesn't start again. I won't let him hurt you," Jake promises.

"Yeah, I want to be friends." Tommy nods. He's not sure how he feels about Jake, but this, the sex is definitely better than getting hit.

+++++++

Larry hasn't hit him for a month. He looks at Tommy, and from his face Tommy can tell he really wants to hurt Tommy, but he doesn't. Jake is good to his word. He's stopped Larry. And the price isn't that high. He just does whatever Jake says. Jake never makes him do anything that hurts. 

He's home for school for the day, and Mary has sent him to get everyone for dinner. He goes upstairs and calls a few of the younger kids. Then he gets to his room, and the door is shut. He doesn't knock because it’s his room too.

At first he doesn't really understand what he’s seeing. Liam is on his bed, laid out on his back with his arms either side of him. There’s blood on the sheets; lots of blood.

"Liam?" Tommy calls out, frozen for a moment.

Liam doesn't say anything, doesn't move. He's so pale.

Tommy manages to un-freeze, and he moves out of the doorway and into the room. He reaches the bed, and with trembling hands, reaches out to touch Liam. His skin is cold.

"Somebody help!" Tommy yells, trying to see if Liam is breathing, trying to remember the first aid they were thought at school.

"Help, help, help!" People are used to yelling in this house, so Tommy isn't sure anyone will come if they think that Larry is beating someone, and that's why Tommy is yelling.

"Liam's hurt himself. Get an ambulance!" Tommy shouts. Eventually someone comes, one of the girls: Anna.

"Oh, my god! I'll call an ambulance." She runs off.

An ambulance is called, and the paramedics come. And they fill the room with noise and movement, but Liam doesn't make a noise or a sound, and for the second time in his life Tommy watches a paramedic shake his head at the other, and he knows what that means.

They take Liam away. Tommy finds the note when they move him.

I'm sorry. I couldn't live like this anymore. I just want peace.

Shaking Tommy goes to Jake's room and waits for him to come back.

"Tommy?" Jake says quietly when he comes into the room sometime later.

"I should have noticed something was wrong. I spend everyday with him. I see him at school, at home. I should have known," Tommy whispers.

"Hey, you can't think like that." Jake comes over, sits down beside Tommy and puts an arm around his shoulder.

"I'm not like an expert on this, but I hear sometimes there aren't really any signs. No one knows they’re going to do it, apart from the person who does it. Don't start blaming yourself. That’s bullshit," Jake says firmly.

"In his note, he said he wanted peace. I think he got tiered of the way things are here, with the way things are with Larry." Tommy rubs a hand through his hair, dyed blond recently at Jake's suggestion. 

"Maybe he did." Jake sighs.

"I don't want to end up like that," Tommy says, biting his lip.

"You won't. Larry leaves you alone now, right?" Jake asks, looking like he'll be pissed if Larry has started again.

"He hasn't been hitting me. But he could start again. You could leave. You'll leave when you’re eighteen, and maybe he won't be scared enough of you anymore, and it'll start again. I don't want to end up feeling so hopeless that I want to kill myself." Tommy feels panicked. All he can see is Liam on that bed, the red stains, but not just that. He keeps seeing a dark road and broken glass. He keeps seeing loss.

"Well, I can only do so much. He might be afraid enough to leave you alone after I go. It's four months till I go. I can make sure he's afraid," Jake assures.

"I don't want you to do anything that'll get you in to trouble. I, maybe I should just leave." Tommy's thought about it before, about being anywhere else but here. He's not sure he’s ever wanted it so much.

"And go where?" Jake asks.

"I don't know. Anywhere that isn't here." It's not like Tommy has a plan, but the idea of sleeping in the room where Liam died makes him feel physically sick.

"We could leave together. I'll look out for you," Jake suggests, and Tommy turns to him shocked.

"You'd do that?" Tommy asks.

"Yeah, we'll both have to work, and it won't be easy, but I kind of like having you around. I'm used to it. Going out alone could kind of suck." Jake shrugs.

"So when you leave, I leave?" Tommy asks.

"Yeah, I'll tell you when." Jake nods.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" Tommy asks quietly.

"Yeah, sure," Jake agrees.

They’re gone a week latter.

+++++++++

They move into a crappy apartment, and Tommy stops going to school, which he doesn't mind. He can get his GED latter. It's not like he liked school, and he needs to stay off the radar until he’s eighteen. Jake has a lot of friends, and they help get them set up. It's pretty clear that a lot of them, if not all of them, are criminals. But there nice enough to Tommy. They seem to respect Jake, and that somehow extends to Tommy as Jake's friend...if friend is even the right word? Boyfriend isn't either,. They don't date. They just sleep together. 

Jake’s been working, even when he was at the home, but Tommy didn't know as what. Now that they live together, he knows that Jake’s dealing drugs. He's not sure how he's supposed to feel about that. He knows his parents wouldn't have liked it, but they wouldn't have wanted him to stay someplace he wasn't safe, either. He tells himself the ends justify the means.

"We need to make more money," Jake tells him one night. They've been in the apartment maybe two weeks, and its a rat hole, but Tommy likes it better than the group home, which pretended to be something that it wasn't. 

"I could help you?" Tommy suggests. He doesn't know anything about drugs or drug dealing, but he's sure he could pick it up.

"You’re too small, too pretty. You'd get nothing but shit and ripped off. No, that won't work." Jake shakes his head.

"But I should be paying my way." Because Jake is paying for everything, the rent, the food. He's looking after Tommy the way he said he would, and all he asks is for Tommy to share his bed, to do what he did at the group home. 

"There’s something you could do, that you'd be good at, and you could make a lot of money. It would actually help you out, being young." Jake looks thoughtful.

"What is it?" Tommy wants to help, he really does. Jake has helped him. He got him out of hell.

"Sex. Sex sells, Tommy. Pretty young boys can make a lot of money," Jake tells him.

"Prostitution?" Tommy asks.

"If you want to call it that. It's good money. I know a lot of people who've done it. We could stop worrying so much about money. It won't be forever," Jake says calmly.

"I guess I could try it," Tommy says quietly, feeling sick. Sex with strangers, could he do that? He hadn't really known Jake when he slept with him, and that hadn't gone so bad. He could make money, help out. He feels like making this decision is going to change his whole world once again.

"Good boy. Now why don't you play for me?" Jake asks.

One of the few things Tommy’s kept through the years is his guitar, and his love for music only grows. It's his escape. 

"Okay." Tommy nods and goes to get his guitar, already thinking of what he might play first.

++++++

 

Three years latter 

It's light now, and he won't get much work this time of day, so he heads for the closest dinner. He finds a booth with a discarded paper and starts reading. He needs to find another job, a day job, a legal job. He's eighteen now. No one can make him go back into foster care, and he got his GED a month ago. 

A month ago things had seemed simple. That was before Jake got arrested and charged with a whole list of things, half of which Tommy didn't even know he was up to. But it's not even Jake's first strike, and it looks like he's going to be spending a long time in jail. For the first time in years, he really is all alone in the world.

He's still in the apartment that they share, but he's thinking of trying to move. He knows he can't afford anything bigger, but maybe he can get into a less shady neighbourhood. He hasn't been feeling as safe in the apartment since Jake left. Which is funny, seeing as Jake was the most dangerous thing in the apartment some days, for Tommy, at least.

He's lost in his own word and gets jolted out of it when a girl sits down opposite him. She's blond, small and pretty. He's seen her before, somewhere, but not working. She's not a working girl. She's not from the streets, either. Too clean, too tidy, well dressed, and her smile is open, honest and easy, not guarded or fake.

"Hay," she says brightly.

"Em hi?" Tommy's not sure what she’s doing at his table. 

"So I've seen you here before. My name's Mia." She offers her hand, and Tommy takes it hesitantly.

"Tommy." Its not like she's a customer. It can't hurt to tell her his real name.

"Don't look so uncomfortable, Tommy. I'm not hitting on you." Mia's smile stays just as bright.

"I didn't think you were hitting on me." Tommy hadn't really thought that. He's not sure what he thinks she wants from him. If she were a guy, he'd say she wanted sex. If she looked like a junkie, he'd think she was trying to score. He's not sure what to make of this ordinary girl, sitting there in her artfully ripped jeans and band T-shirt.

"Well I'm not. Not that your not cute, and all, but I just don't swing that way." Mia smirks.

"Oh." Tommy hadn't guessed, but he kind of sucks at that, even more with girls than with guys.

"You can ask why I've invaded your table. It wouldn't be rude, especially not after I just sat here without asking," Mia tells him.

"Okay, why are you sitting at my table?" Tommy asks. He's not the best with people, but she said he could ask, so he feels okay about it.

"I've noticed you looking at the paper a lot. Always just the job section. You’re looking for a job right?" Mia asks.

"Yeah," Tommy admits. He wonders if she's going to suggest something illegal. It's not like he can claim the moral high ground, but he's trying to get away from that kind of life.

"I work for a call centre, and they’re looking for new people. It's not glamorous or fun. It pays just a little over minimum wage, and it's so boring it's almost soul destroying, but I can get you in for an interview, if you want." Mia smiles.

"Why would you do that?" The world doesn't just hand you things. Tommy learned a long time ago all he really has to offer is sex, and if Mia is a lesbian, well then he has nothing to offer her.

"Why not? To be nice? Take your pick." Mia shrugs.

Tommy just looks at her.

"Wow, do you have trust issues, huh? Well how about this? You seem interesting. I like interesting people. Maybe you could make work a little less boring," Mia says simply.

"What makes you think I'm interesting?" Tommy asks. Not addressing the whole trust issues thing, because he really doesn't know what to say about that. 

"Just a feeling really. And whenever you have on band shirts, I really like the bands. I'm a music snob. And it kind of makes me sad, seeing you sitting here all alone all the time. You look like you could use a friend." Mia signals to the waitress to get her a coffee. 

"I don't need pity." Tommy scowls.

"It's not pity. I don't feel sorry for you. I know that life sucks sometimes, like really, really sucks. So I try and make my life and other people’s better if I can," Mia says looking a little sad.

"What sucks so bad about your life?" Tommy asks, feeling on edge. He likes knowing where he stands with people, and he normally does, but this Mia chick is throwing him for a loop. She seems nice, but can he trust that?

"I'm in remission. Cancer. Been in and out of hospital since I was a kid. And anyone who doesn't think that sucks would be wrong. We all have our own demons. I just, I believe in doing good things. It makes me happy," Mia says softly, trailing off as the waitress brings over her coffee.

"I'm sorry," Tommy says, shocked. She's so young, not much older than him, and she looks so healthy. He guesses she is healthy at the moment. 

"Its okay, you couldn't have known. And I'm not telling you so you'll feel sorry for me or like me. I probably like pity as much as you do. I just want you to know where I'm coming from. The way I see it, life is generally too short to waste it being a shitty person to other people," Mia says, taking a sip of her coffee.

"I like that, the life being too short to be shitty thing. That's kind of awesome," Tommy admits.

"I try." Mia smiles.

"So you just want to help me get a job? For real?" Tommy still doesn't know if he should believe it.

"Well, really all I'd be getting you is the interview. It'd be down to you to get the job," Mia says simply.

"O...okay. I mean yes, please. I'd appreciate that." He just hopes that it doesn't end up biting him in the ass. Life seems to do that way too often.

"Awesome. Call this number tomorrow and say that you are a friend of Mia's. The boss loves me. He's not a hard ass either. Doesn't expert you to show up in a suit," Mia explains writing down a number on a napkin and handing it to him. Tommy takes it and carefully puts it away in his jacket pocket.

"Good, I don't have a suit," Tommy admits, picking at the hole in the knee of his jeans.

"Not that I don't think you could rock it, but I can't quite picture you in a suit." Mia smiles.

"I can't picture me in one, either." Tommy finds himself smiling back.

He's in no rush to get back to his shitty apartment, so he orders a coffee, and Mia stays with him. She does most of the talking, but it's nice. She's nice. He can't really remember the last time he talked to someone who didn't want anything from him. It's different, but he likes it.

 

++++++++

He gets the job. After keeping it for two months he moves apartments, to a place with Mia. She helped him look for a place, and then her roommate moved out, and she asked him if he wanted the room. If she'd been shocked by how horrible his place was, she hadn't let on. She just touched his guitar and asked if he played. 

Tommy isn't sure what he thought would happen the day he left the diner where he met Mia, but he hadn't thought they would become close. But on his first day of work, there she was, showing him around, introducing him to people and asking him to sit with her and her friends for lunch.

She had quickly become a friend. One thing Tommy loved about her was she didn't ask questions. She didn't ask where his family was, why he'd been living alone at eighteen in a really not very pleasant neighbourhood, and she didn't try and make him talk about anything.

He told her he'd wanted to move because his roommate had gone to jail. It was kind of a lie to call Jake his roommate, but he didn't want to tell her too much. Tommy's pretty sure she thinks he used to deal drugs, and he doesn't correct her. He doesn't want to tell her how he spent the last three years earning rent, but if she does think that, she doesn't seem to judge him, and from what Tommy's seen, it's not like Mia and her friends are even into drugs, maybe a bit of weed, but Jake was into a lot more hardcore stuff than that, although he'd sell anything.

Sharing an apartment makes things cheaper, and he works as many hours as they will give him, so he's doing okay for money. He can't waste much on luxuries, but he can afford his half of the rent and food to eat and sometimes, if he's careful, he'll have some left over for other things. 

Life is getting better. He has, for the first time in years, some hope.

+++++++

Ten years latter

"You have to do it," Mia pleads.

"No, no way. Making puppy eyes at me will not work, woman!" Tommy insists, looking away just in case, because Mia's puppy eyes have in fact been known to work on him, no matter what he claims. He just won't admit to it, because he thinks she'll do it more if he does, and she already has him wrapped around her little finger.

"Oh come on ,Tommy. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. They're looking for Americas best guitarist. This has to be the first contest focusing on musicians." Mia groans.

"Even if I did get past the first auditions, I don't want to be on TV, Mia," Tommy insists, sitting down on the couch.

Mia won't be ignored that easily, though, and she flops down right on top of him. 

"But you're so talented." Mia pouts.

"No," Tommy insists, running a hand through her hair. They've both been at the dye again, leaving her’s black and pink, and Tommy's black and blonde.

"But I'll be your bestfriend, your very best friend in the world," Mia begs.

"You already are." Tommy pokes his tongue out, glad to see he's matured well at twenty eight. 

"I want to live vicariously through your talent." Mia grins.

"I'm not that good." Tommy shrugs.

"So what's the worst that could happen? They say no. That's literally the only bad thing that can happen. Doing the contest can help you make connections; find more bands and session work. You love playing. It'll be good for you to get out there," Mia says reasonably.

"No, nope, not gonna happen," Tommy says firmly.

Mia just looks at him.

He fills in the forms to audition that night.

+++++++

"And in fifth place is Tommy Joe Ratliff," The crowd cheers at his names, lights flash in his eyes and he's hugged by a few other contestants before he leaves the stage.

He's in shock, not because he didn't win, but because he got this far to begin with. There were so many people at the auditions, from all over the country. He never thought he'd get through to the boot camp and then the live shows. He can't believe he's been on TV, playing guitar.

There are interviews after that, and he doesn't know what to say. Through this whole thing he hasn't got used to giving interviews. He just doesn't know what to say. 

"So, Tommy, what next?" the interviewer, Anne, asks him.

"I don't really know. I just hope that I'll get to play more, maybe find a band. It's been a while since I was in one, and I miss it," Tommy admits, pushing his hair back. He wants a drink. He's so amped up, he just wants to kick back and relax. 

"What do you think of all the tweets saying you should have won?" Anne asks, her smile wide and bright. Perky, Mia would call her.

"I didn't know there were any, but thanks,I guess? It's really nice of people, but the people still on the show are really, really talented. They deserve to be where they are," Tommy says firmly, because they do. He has a lot of respect for the other musicians in the contest.

"And I hear you have some celebrity fans. Adam Lambert has just tweeted that he thinks you’re an amazing talent," Anne tells him.

"Lambert? The guy who won Idol? His voice is sick. That's really cool." Tommy smiles. He's never had someone famous like his playing before, not outside the celebrity judges in the contest. And he's seen Adam Lambert on TV. The dude can sing, and he's also hot as hell.

They ask him some other questions, and Tommy does his best to answer them, even though he hates this whole talking about himself thing. But finally he gets to leave, go backstage and drink a whole bottle of ice cold water before moving onto a beer. 

After that he has to talk to a few people from the show, but once that’s done, he gets to head home. He's lucky enough to be living in driving distance from the studio, unlike over half the other contestants who've had to stay in a hotel for the time they were on the show. 

Mia is waiting up for him, having watched the live show. She knows the result, and she has drinks ready. It's not like he really needs cheering up. He did so much better than he ever dreamed, but losing is still kind of disappointing, and he's a little sad that it's over. He'd loved getting up on stage every week, playing all the different songs and challenges. But it's over now, and they drink to how far he's come. 

It's late when he crawls into bed, and he finds there’s a smile on his face. Things could have gone a lot worse than they did. Mia was right. He should try more things. Even though she doesn't know every aspect of his past, Mia knows when they met he was down on his luck. Over the years she’s tried to show him that doesn't mean he’ll always be unlucky. It seems like maybe she’s right.

Its a week latter when he gets a call from a record company that has him thinking for sure that Mia is right about how luck can change. Adam Lambert's label wants to see him, because Adam is putting together a band, and he's interested in Tommy. They want to meet him and talk to him about a job.

He's pretty damn excited. When he was told about the tweet from Lambert, he never thought it would lead to a possible job offer. He doesn't want to get his hopes up, but he's trying to be more positive, like Mia is always telling him. 

So he gets up way too early for his liking and takes his time getting ready. He eats breakfast alone because, for once, he’s awake before Mia. Then he goes and showers, brushes his teeth and straightens his hair. He's been thinking about getting rid of the black and going blonde all over, but he doesn't know.

Once he's dried off and sorted out his hair in the bathroom, he goes back to his room to get dressed. He doesn't want to look like he's trying too hard, so he dresses like he normally would, in a T-shirt and jeans. He didn't dress that differently for the show. Sometimes they had him wear a shirt, but that was all. So he doesn't think these record label people will be expecting anything fancier. 

He does bother with makeup, but he does that most of the time. He doesn't overdo it. Just mascara, eye liner and a little smokey grey eyeshadow. He's fairly confident that he looks good, put together, maybe a little young. They had commented on that during the contest, called him baby faced, said he didn't look twenty-eight. But then he's always looked young for his age. In the past it’s been useful, but at other times it’s stopped people from taking him seriously. 

These people from the label, he wants them to take him seriously.

Trying to get the balance right between looking professional and over eager is hard, the first he wants the second he doesn't. Timing is everything and he’s very careful, making sure he gets there on time but not stupidly early. 

They call him in for his appointment and Tommy isn't surprised by the two suits at the table. But he doesn't know what to think of a normally dressed guy. And then a figure turns around and sits down with a cup of coffee. It's Adam Lambert. Tommy hadn't been told he would be at this meeting, and he's a little stunned.

Adam looks good. Hell, good seems like a pretty sad word for it. He's gorgeous. Tight black jeans show off long legs. His shirt showcases his broad shoulders. He's even taller than Tommy thought, the kind of guy that makes him feel tiny. He's wearing a little eye makeup,and it really makes his eyes pop. There is no escaping it, Adam Lambert is one drop-dead gorgeous man, and Tommy has the urge to crawl into his lap and make himself comfortable. 

"Hello, Mr Ratliff. I'm Brian, and this is Bob. I'm sure you've seen Adam on TV before, and this is his brother Neil. He'll be helping with Adam's tour." Brain points to himself and the other suit and then to the two Lambert's.

"Hi," Tommy says, shyness hitting him in a rush as he sits down. He's not always a people person, kind of an introvert. But he thought being on television had cured him of being quite so shy around people, but he's a little star struck by Adam, not to mention a little flustered by his instant attraction to the other man. It's not like he's never been around someone he's had a crush on before, and he's handled it fine in the past, but Adam has him feeling like a teenager, clueless and lost.

"They called you Tommy Joe on the show a lot, do you prefer that or Tommy?" Adam asks, and he has a nice voice, even when he's not singing.

"Either one’s okay with me. They heard my roommate Mia call me Tommy Joe, and it sort of caught on," Tommy explains.

They’d interviewed all of the top ten contestants in the show at their homes. A lot of them had used the interviews as a chance to show off their families. There had been a few sob stories. Tommy hadn't wanted that. He has a good life now; a good life with Mia, and that was all he wanted to show. 

"I think I saw that. She was a cute girl, your girlfriend?" Neil asks.

"God, no, that would be like incest. She's like my sister. We've been best friends for ten years. Not to mention the whole she only dates chicks thing." Tommy shakes his head at the very idea of it, because he loves Mia, but the idea of knocking boots with her makes him feel a little bit ill.

Not that he doesn't like girls. Mia calls him greedy because he likes both girls and guys, but she's only teasing. Over the years he's dated more girls than he has guys, but he's slept with a lot more guys. Hell, it would take a hell of a lot for him to even up the numbers. But then he hadn't spent three years selling himself to women like he did men. But now really isn't the time to be thinking about his less than stellar past.

"I think we all have friends like that." Adam smiles, and Tommy feels his stomach flip.

"Well, Tommy, like we told you, Adam is putting together a band, and if the album does well there should be a tour. We're confident that there will be a tour. We already have a bassist, keyboard player and drummer. But we've been looking for the perfect guitarist," Bob explains.

"I've seen you play. I was really impressed. And I like the whole blues and rock vibe. I think it would fit with what I'm trying to do. Kind of a glam rock feeling thing." Adam looks so happy, excited, and Tommy sees him as something other than a star in that moment. Adam was in a reality show, too, only he won his, and he's living out his dream now. Tommy can relate. 

"Thanks, I'm really into my music. I've been playing since I was ten," Tommy tells him, trying not to think of that first guitar, the one they found in his parents closet after the accident. 

"See, that’s one of the things I want in my band: people who are passionate about music. I want people for who it's more than just a pay check to them," Adam says brightly.

"Music could never be just a pay day for me. I mean, before the show I was working in a call centre and doing session work and music lessons on the side. It hasn't been something that’s made me a lot of money. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'd love to earn enough to just live on that, no other job, but I do music for the love of it, always have," Tommy says honestly. 

"I like that, the open book honesty thing. Adam needs people like that around him," Neil says, sounding thoughtful.

"Basically, today we want to draft a possible contract. Then have you go jam with the band and see if you fit in, and if you do, then we'll firm things up," Brain says firmly.

"So, like, if I fit in, the job’s mine? I'm not complaining, but I thought you'd have a ton of questions and stuff," Tommy admits, trying not to think about Neil calling him an open book, because Tommy is probably the furthest thing from an open book most of the time. Mia's been his best friend for almost half his life, and she still doesn't know everything about him.

"I've listened to you play so many times. You’re really good, so, yeah, if you fit in with the other guys, the job is yours. I don't like to fuck around. I like your playing. Why shouldn't the job be yours?" Adam asks. 

"I think you could make a really awesome boss," Tommy says honestly.

"Don't compliment him. I'm trying to stop him getting a fat head after winning idol." Neil smirks.

"Brat." Adam glares.

"Let me guess, Neil your the little brother?" Tommy asks, and Adam and Neil both laugh.

Brain and Bob do a lot of talking after that, and Tommy does his best to keep up, but his brain is on playing. His next performance will mean everything, will determine if he gets this job, and he really wants this job. He wants to work in music, with talented people, and Adam is damn talented.

And that isn't just Tommy's crush talking.

++++++++

Adam isn't the only talented one it turns out when Tommy goes for the jam session the day after his sit down meeting. There's Brian, Isaac and Ashley. All three of them can play really, really well. Tommy's jazzed to play with them and hoping it'll be for more than one session. 

He's played in a few bands in his time, and it always takes time to fit in with a group, especially when they've been together for a while, but Tommy doesn't feel like a stranger intruding here. He feels like he slots in, like a missing puzzle piece.

Tommy had heard Adam sing on idol, but it hadn't prepared him for the up close, live action version. Adam puts all of himself into it when he sings. It's like hearing a part of his soul, just laid bare in front of all of them.

After almost an hour of playing, Tommy feels more alive than he has in months, and Adam is grinning at him, wide, open and honest, clearly happy, and Tommy can't help smiling back. Adam's happiness is catching. Not to mention Tommy has really enjoyed playing with these people. He could see himself doing this all the time, but he doesn't want to get his hopes up.

"So, what did you think?" Adam asks.

"You guys rock," Tommy says honestly and simply. 

"Hell yeah, we do," Isaac says, twirling his drumsticks. From what Tommy’s seen so far, he's a pretty chill guy. He's already heard Isaac talking about his wife. They sound happy. Tommy's not used to guy's being like that. Most the married men he's known haven't been the type to brag about their wives. Hell, most the married men Tommy’s met were shoving cash into his pocket for a few hours of his time. 

Isaac really doesn't seem like that type of guy, though, but then Tommy was never great at telling. How do you know if a guy has a secret fondness for underage male hookers? He doesn't want Isaac to be a guy like that. He wants to like him, to work with him.

"You're pretty damn good yourself. How long have you been playing?" Brian asks.

"Eighteen years." Tommy smiles slightly. He loves music, even if some of his memories of it are a little bittersweet. 

"Well, I'd say you fit in." Adam smiles.

"He does," Ashley agrees.

"So does that mean the job's mine?" Tommy asks, nerves bubbling in his stomach.

"Yes, if you still want it, it's yours," Adam offers.

"I want it." He can't remember wanting anything so much in such a long time.

"Well then, welcome to the band." Adam grins, and Tommy feels his heart flutter.

This is a new start

 

+++++++

He's a little tipsy. Adam had taken the whole band out to celebrate the band being complete. And it seems that Adam knows how to party. The band is there, Isaac's wife Sophie has come with him and a bunch of Adam's friends.

Tommy's feeling pretty comfortable with them, especially Adam. Over the past week he's talked with Adam a lot. The first time Adam called, Tommy had been a little unsure, hadn't known whether to trust the kindness or not.

But Adam isn't just kind to him. Since Tommy’s joined the band, he knows that Adam has taken Isaac and his wife out to dinner. Ashley’s been staying with him while something in her apartment is fixed, and Brain talks to Adam all the time, too. Tommy's started really looking forward to his calls from Adam.

So now he’s in some club he doesn't even know the name of, in a booth leaning against Adam, his head feeling buzzy, but it's pleasant. He's not at the stage of drunk where he feels sick.

"So, when did everyone lose their virginity?" one of Adam's friends, a girl called Dani asks. It's not out the blue. They've been on the topic of sex for a good ten minutes because Adam’s been cultivating a reputation as a sex god since the start of idol.

"You know I was twenty. Late bloomer," Adam explains, glancing down at Tommy under his arm.

"Dude, I didn't sleep with a girl until I was nineteen, so your not the only one," Tommy shrugs. He'd been drunk at a work Christmas party his first time with a girl. He can hardly remember it, unlike his first time with a man.

Dani’s distracted by the song playing, so stops interrogating people about their sex life, and Tommy soon finds himself alone with Adam, something he doesn't mind at all. 

"Not much of a sex god, huh?" Adam asks, and Tommy looks up at him from where he's leaning against his side. Adam looks really, really good tonight.

 

"You are so a sex god," Tommy says as firmly and as seriously as he can, being as drunk as he is.

"Aww, you’re so sweet," Adam coos, stroking Tommy's hair off of his face. It feels nice, and Tommy leans into the touch.

"I mean it. You’re really sexy," Tommy says, his attention caught by Adam's mouth, those lips. He doesn't realise he's been caught staring until Adam leans in.

The kiss is unexpected at the same time as it isn't. Tommy wasn't planning on doing it, but he's been attracted to Adam from the moment he saw him. Maybe this was inevitable. All Tommy knows is that it feels good, and that he's kissing back with everything he has.

"I like your mouth," Adam says, running a finger over Tommy's bottom lip as he draws back.

"Everyone with a dick usually does." Tommy smirks.

Adam bursts out into the most adorable giggle.

"You are dirty Tommy Joe." Adam grins, and he looks like he's maybe thinking of kissing Tommy again, but then Ashley drops down in front of them, and whatever fake privacy they had is gone, and the spell is broken.

 

+++++++

"Call him. Don't be a coward," Mia says as she puts on her coat.

"And say what? I hope us making out doesn't effect my job?" Tommy asks. 

"Well something like that." Mia shrugs.

"Its too embarrassing," Tommy complains.

"Be a man, Tommy Joe," Mia tells him as she grabs her keys and leaves.

Alone in their apartment, it's tempting to chicken out and not make the call, but he knows Mia is right. This is something he needs to do.

So he sits down on the couch and takes out his cell phone. He stares at it a while, giving himself a silent pep talk and eventually finds his balls and looks for Adam's number and calls his new boss and friend.

"Hi, Tommy. Thank god you called. I’m so bored." Adam really sounds pleased that Tommy called, so at least he's not pissed at Tommy for the kiss, which Tommy worried was a possibility. 

"Hey, Adam. Ashley not around?" He hopes she's at least in the other room, because he doesn't want to have this conversation in front of anyone. 

"No, she's moved back to her place. I'm all alone," Adam says, and Tommy can practically hear the pout in his voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Tommy says, fiddling with the hole in his jeans.

"It's okay. I'll get used to living alone again soon. So anyway, did you need something? Or just calling to chat?" Adam asks.

"Well…" Tommy hesitates. 

"Is this about the other night?" Adam asks gently.

"Well, um, fuck, I'm not good at this." Tommy groans.

"Honey, it's okay. I know you like girls. I'm not going to make a big deal out of a kiss. I kiss my friends all the time. I'm not going to lie and say I don't find you really attractive, but you don't have to worry about me coming on to you," Adam says calmly.

And Tommy could leave it there, be a coward. Protect himself from getting hurt by letting Adam believe he's straight, because Tommy is sure he can't date a man without it being a disaster, not with his history. Letting Adam and everyone else think he’s straight would stop a lot of questions that he doesn't ever want to answer. It would be so much easier, which was one of the many reasons why he hadn't outed himself during the guitar contest. 

"You think I'm straight?" Tommy finds himself asking.

"I mean, I don't like to assume. When I saw the makeup and stuff, I thought maybe, but during the contest on TV it didn't seem like...Aren’t you? Aren’t you straight?" Adam sounds a little confused. 

"I'm not really into labels. But most people would classify me as Bi-sexual," Tommy says, taking a deep breath to calm himself. This could really blow up in his face. He could fuck up a good job opportunity here, not to mention a friendship that’s already becoming important to him.

"Damn, this is not a conversation to be having over the phone. Would you come over? Can you come over?" Adam asks.

"Are you mad that I didn't tell you?" Tommy asks.

"God no! Of course not. It's not like I expected you to announce it in your interview. I know it's not always comfortable to state your sexuality straight off the bat when coming into a new group." And Adam sounds so understanding. It makes something tight loosen up in Tommy's chest.

"Yeah, I'll come over. I'll be like half an hour, maybe?" Tommy says.

"Okay. We'll hang out, have a nice talk. Don't sound so worried," Adam tells him.

"I just really don't want to fuck things up," Tommy admits.

"You won't. You haven't. Of course you haven't. Don't be silly. Come over. I want to see you." Adam's voice is so calming that Tommy finds himself relaxing a little.

"Alright. I'll be there soon," Tommy says, hesitating over hanging up.

"See you soon, Tommy. Take it easy okay. You sound stressed, and I don't like it," Adam says firmly.

"I'll be fine. See you." Tommy forces himself to hang up, and he gets himself ready and leaves.

He's nervous the whole drive to Adam's place. He's almost shaking. He gets to Adam's in about the time he thought he would, and he pulls up outside and stops his car. He waits in his car for a moment, taking deep breaths, feeling stupid for being so nervous. Adam’s a nice guy. This can't go too badly. Tommy’s known a lot of not so nice people. He thinks he's good by now at telling the real good ones from the fake, and Adam seems like the real deal.

Tommy gets out of the car and heads for the front door. He rings the doorbell and only has to wait a few seconds before Adam comes and answers it.

"I'm glad you could come." Adam smiles, and just like pretty much every time they have met up, Adam reaches out and draws him into a hug.

For a second, just a second, Tommy’s tense, but it melts away quickly, and he lets himself enjoy the contact. Adam gives good hugs. He's big and warm, and he holds Tommy close and tight. Tommy likes being held, but it's not something he's had a lot from guys. Since he's met Adam, he thinks he could get greedy for it, the casual affection.

"Come in!" Adam says brightly, letting Tommy go and stepping back. 

They walk into Adam's house together and head straight for the couch. Adam has something on his big ass TV, but Tommy doesn't pay it much attention. He takes off his Jacket and kicks off his boots and drops down onto the couch. Adam smiles and lounges down next to him, the damn couch is bigger than Tommy's bed.

Adam turns to face him. He looks serious, but not in a scary way. It's hard to explain.

"I was in a reality show too. I wasn't sure about being out, and I didn't get a choice. They saw me with an ex-boyfriend, kissing. It was in the papers. But you chose not to come out during the show, and I respect that," Adam says seriously. 

"I didn't want to just be that gay guy. I didn't know if it would go against me or in my favour when it came to votes, but I didn't want my sexuality to come into it. I wanted it all to just be about the music," Tommy explains.

"I totally get that. I mean, I'm loving the reaction of most people about me on Idol and since then. But I do wish I wasn't always described as 'the gay one from idol'. Do you want a beer?" Adam asks casually.

"I drove here," Tommy points out, although for these serious kinds of talks he could really use a drink.

And he'll have to leave soon if he plans to drive home himself. He’s never liked driving once it gets dark. It reminds him too much of the accident with his parents. 

"I'll pay for you to get a taxi back. Or you can just stay over. The spare room is free." Adam shrugs, always so damn generous.

"Yeah, okay, a beer would be great," Tommy says, waiting on how the talk goes to decide if he'll be staying over or not.

Adam gets up and comes back with a beer for each of them and hands Tommy his before he sits down. Tommy takes the way Adam sits close to him as a good sign. It shows that Adam’s relaxed, because Tommy has seen him when he's uncomfortable around people, and the first thing that happens is he changes how much personal space he needs.

"You shouldn't just be known like that, as the gay one. You should be known for being an amazing singer," Tommy says firmly, taking a sip of his cool beer.

"Thank you. You should always be known for your abilities. I mean, do you want to be out? Being in the band you'll be in the public eye, like in the contest. And people will talk because of me being out, and Brian is to. So, do you want people to know you’re Bi?" Adam asks.

"I don't know, really. I mean, I don't really like labels. I don't like strangers in my personal business. I don't mind the band knowing. You guys are my friends. But maybe, it's not like I'm dating anyone. People don't need to know." Tommy sighs and drinks some more.

"That's okay. You deserve your privacy. Hell, I'll tell the world that you’re straight just to confuse them. Fuck the press thinking they have a right to know everything about us," Adam says firmly.

"So why did you mention a girl the other night and not a guy. I'm just curious," Adam asks, drinking some of his own beer.

"You were saying you were a late bloomer. And I was with girls, but not so much about guys," Tommy says honestly.

"So you slept with a guy before you slept with a girl?" Adam looks surprised.

"Lost my virginity at fifteen," Tommy admits, trying not to think about Jake. He's spent years trying to not think about Jake. Hell, he tries to block out his whole life from the time between loosing his parents to when he started living with Mia.

"Wow, that was a little younger than me. So, you had your first boyfriend all the way back then?" Adam asks.

"Umm." Tommy downs a large amount of the rest of his beer.

"What? Are you shy, Tommy Joe?" Adam grins.

"No, it's just I wasn't really dating him." Tommy blushes. He doesn't think you can say what he and Jake did was dating. They were together for over three years, sleeping together for all that time. But they were both sleeping with other people, even if Tommy was doing it for money. They lived together. Jake was good to him most of the time, but things between them were complicated and could hardly be called a normal relationship, certainly wasn't one the first time they slept together. 

"Oh, Bad boy Tommy. I'm just kidding. A lot of guys experiment before they date," Adam says with a shrug.

"I'm not really good at the whole dating thing. I haven't done it much," Tommy admits, finishing his beer.

"Dating is hard. Want another drink?" Adam asks.

"Yes, please." Tommy nods.

"You look like you could use something stronger than a beer. You drink whisky don't you? Do you want one?" Adam offers.

"Whisky would be amazing," Tommy says happily.

Adam goes and comes back with a bottle and two glasses.

They lounge there together, drinking in silence for a few minutes. 

"I'm not sure if I even want to date at the moment. I'm sick of getting my heart broken. Is that the kind of trouble you've had?" Adam asks, fiddling with his glass.

"Not really. I just...I guess I have some issues. I don't trust easily, and I don't...I find it hard to be comfortable with some stuff." Tommy tugs on the hem of his shirt. He'd taken his cloths off when he had to, but he doesn't like getting undressed. If he can avoid it, he does.

"Baby, you look sad. What's the matter?" Adam asks gently, putting his free arm around Tommy's shoulders, his glass in his other hand. Tommy can't help leaning intothe embrace a little.

"I don't like taking my shirt off, and that’s been a problem for some guys and girls," Tommy admits.

"I used to hate taking my shirt off when I was heavier. I still don't like showing off my freckles. You know you’re not weird for not liking a part of your own body. People are their own worse critics when it comes to that. No one is as harsh about our appearance as we are. You don't have to tell me what you don't like, but can I just say that you are really beautiful, okay?" Adam says gently, and Tommy has to hug him. No guy has ever been like that with him, so simply understanding, kind and not pushing Tommy to explain more than he wants.

"Thanks. I...Like I said, I have issues, and it makes dating kind of hard. I mainly stick to just having sex every now and then. You know, casual." Tommy shrugs.

"I like casual affection. I'm not as good with casual sex, I don't think. I need to care, at least a little. I need to be friends. I can't just have sex with a stranger. It'll be harder hooking up now that I've won Idol and I'm brining out an album. So things are going to be tricky for me. I mean I like sex. I really like sex. But I don’t want to end up with my sex life splashed all over the papers and the internet." Adam sighs.

"Price of being a rock star, dude. You'll still get laid." Tommy’s sure Adam won't have any trouble.

They put on a movie and drink quite a bit more of the whisky before Adam offers up a joint, and Tommy says yes. He doesn't do any harder drugs, but he likes weed. Even though he doesn't really smoke normal cigarettes anymore, he still likes a joint.

They end up laid out on their backs on the couch, drinking and sharing the joint between them, talking about nothing important really, both of them a little drunk, a little high.

"This is nice, just hanging out," Tommy admits, resting his head on Adam's chest, almost purring when Adam starts petting his hair.

"Your like a cute little kitty. All cuddly and cute," Adam says happily.

"And you're high?" Tommy snorts.

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't make it not true," Adam argues. 

"Fine, I'm like a kitty." Tommy laughs.

"So, kitty. When you called, you were really freaked out. Why?" Adam asks.

"I was worried. I'd kissed my boss. I was worried I'd messed up my new job. And we've just started being friends. I didn't want to fuck that up." Tommy sighs. It's easier to talk with liquor and weed in his veins. 

"The way I remember it, the kiss was pretty mutual," Adam says, and Tommy can hear the smile in his voice.

"I'm an affectionate drunk." Tommy smiles.

"I'm hurt. And here I was thinking I was just too hot to resist." When Tommy looks up at him, Adam’s grinning, all goofy and sweet.

"If it makes you feel better, it was a good kiss," Tommy teases.

"You’re such a brat," Adam accuses.

"What? I said you were good. What else do you want? Want me to tell you how hot you are? You don't need me stroking your ego." Tommy smiles.

"But you do think I'm hot, right? You called me sexy. I remember." Adam grins.

"Okay, okay. I think you’re hot," Tommy admits.

"Well, you’re cute as hell," Adam says softly, but with feeling.

"Thanks." Tommy smiles.

"You have the most beautiful smile." Adam sighs, and just like that, once again they’re kissing, softer than their last kiss and sweet, kind of lazy. 

 

Tommy moves a little, trying to get a better angle, and Adam moves too, rolling Tommy a little. He was already on his back, but now Adam is above him, his body pressing Tommy's down into the couch, which feels really, really good. They kiss until Tommy's lips feel bruised and he's hard in his jeans, and then Adam draws back.

"Wanna go make out in my bed?" Adam asks.

Half of Tommy thinks they should probably talk about this, but he hates talking, and he likes this, likes making out with Adam.

"Hell, yeah." Tommy grins, because he's drunk and high, turned on and excited, and he wants more of this.

Adam gets up and offers a hand to Tommy, which he takes. He likes Adam's hands. They’re big and warm, and Tommy has a flash of an image: Adam's big hands on his hips, pinning him down, holding him in place. It makes a shudder go through his body, and he gets to his feet slowly, his body brushing up against the front of Adam's. He can feel how hard Adam is, and it makes Tommy ache.

"God, the way you look right now," Adam says, his voice low, rough and sexy, and Tommy presses closer. 

"Yeah?" Tommy asks softly. He wants to know how Adam sees him.

"I always thought when people said you could see the heat in someone's eyes that it was a silly description. But I can see it, the heat, the need." Adam cups his cheek and draws him in for another very heated kiss.

"Take me upstairs," Tommy suggests, because he has a little bit more in mind than kissing.

"Okay, come on." Adam keeps his hand and leads the way to his bedroom. 

When they get there, Adam goes to tug Tommy towards the bed, but Tommy resists, taking his hand back from Adam's. Adam looks confused until Tommy pushes him towards the bed. Adam’s been taking the lead so far, but Tommy has other plans for the moment. He gets Adam laid out on his big bed and then joins him, kneeling between Adam's legs, reaching up to kiss him.

"You're so beautiful," Adam says softly, brushing Tommy's hair off of his face. 

Tommy's been called a lot of things, some nice, some not so nice. He's been called a lot of things by men in sexual situations. Beautiful didn't come up that often; sexy, hot, but not beautiful. It makes something in Tommy's chest flutter, and he presses an almost chaste kiss to Adam's parted mouth. 

He doesn't want things to get sappy, though, so he moves back down Adam's body, hands going to Adam's belt. He can't deny that he’s thought about doing this to Adam since he met him. He unbuckles Adam's belt and undoes his zipper. He's not really surprised to find that Adam’s going commando. 

Lust kicks him hard in the gut, and he licks his lips and gets his hand on Adam's cock. He'd felt it through Adam's jeans. He knew it was big, but feeling it in his hand is a whole different experience than feeling it through denim. He jacks Adam slowly, to get a feel for his shape and size. It's been a little while since he last did this, but he has more than enough experience. He knows how to make this good for a guy, and he really wants to make it good for Adam.

Tommy leans down and licks over the head of Adam's cock, liking the way that Adam shudders. There’s a certain amount of power to this kind of thing that Tommy kind of likes. He runs his tongue down from the crown to the base and back up again. Then he wraps his lips around the head and sucks. 

Adam is thick and warm on his tongue, stretching his lips as he takes a little more. He can taste clean skin and a hint of salt, nothing really unpleasant. He knows he should probably use a condom for this, but he's been tested since the last time he had sex, and he finds himself trusting Adam not to put him at risk without saying something.

He's sinking lower when he feels a hand in his hair, and he braces himself for it, the tugging, the taking over, being forced to meet the guys pace. But Adam just starts petting his hair like he had earlier, and it feels good, relaxing, and Tommy finds his shoulders loosening, tension he didn't even realise he was carrying leaving him.

Tommy lets himself relax, and he starts sucking, taking Adam deep and then taking less again, licking and sucking. He doesn't try to make it technically perfect. He keeps it kind of sloppy, taking more and more as he gets used to the length.

"Fuck, Tommy, your mouth," Adam gasps, and Tommy would smile if he could.

He sinks down to meet the ring of his fingers, and he hears Adam's breath hitch, and he feels pride surge through him. He wants to make Adam feel good. He wants to feel Adam loose it, see him loose control. Adam is so sexy like this. When Tommy looks up from what he's doing, Adam's face is flushed, his hair is a mess and his eyes are bright. He looks incredibly sexy, and Tommy feels almost lucky to see him like this.

Taking Adam deep, he swallows around Adam's length and holds himself there, breathing through his nose, keeping at it for as long as possible before moving up again to focus on the head. He licks over the slit, and Adam curses loudly, so he does it again. 

"Christ, you feel so good. I'm not going to last," Adam gasps out. 

And it's like a challenge. He wants to push Adam over the edge as soon as he can, to give Adam that pleasure. He focuses, tries to read the things that Adam likes from his body language and the things he says. Every time he finds something that Adam likes, he does it over and over again, till all Adam is doing is panting and swearing.

"Tommy," Adam moans, and he sounds so good when he moans. 

"I'm gonna..." Adam's voice breaks, but Tommy knows a warning when he hears one, and he backs off. His face just above Adam's cock as he jacks him, tongue darting out to lick at the head, and when Adam comes, it spurts over Tommy's tongue, his lips, his face.

"Oh my fuck," Adam pants. Tommy leans up, and Adam pulls him closer, licks the warm come from his skin and then kisses him, and they both taste like Adam. Tommy moans, chasing the flavor. He's aching hard in his jeans, and he rocks against Adam as they kiss.

"I want to make you come," Adam groans against Tommy's mouth.

"I don't want to stop kissing you." As much as he'd like Adam's lips around his cock, he wants to get off like this, with Adam's mouth on his, their bodies pressed close together. 

"I can work around that." Adam presses a hand between them and then opens Tommy's jeans enough to get his hand inside. 

The first touch of Adam's big hand around his cock has him gasping into Adam's mouth. Adam picks up the slack though, smooth as silk as he kisses Tommy and jerks him off. It feels so good he can't help but thrust into Adam's touch, sucking on his tongue the way he’d sucked his dick.

"Adam," Tommy gasps, rocking his hips without much control. He's so turned on. Adam is a fantastic kisser, and his hand feels so good. Tommy's had a lot of sex, but less of it was focused on his pleasure, and this is. This is all about him. Adam is focused on giving him pleasure.

"God, you’re beautiful when your turned on," Adam tells him, breaking the kiss for a moment. 

"I love your hands." Tommy moans, chasing Adam's mouth for another of those addictive kisses. 

"Wanna see you come, baby," Adam tells him, biting Tommy's lip lightly, and Tommy gasps, pleasure sparking down his spine.

"Fuck, pretty close," Tommy tells him, and it is. It feels like forever since someone last touched him like this, and his mind is convinced right now that no one has ever had such a good go at him. Adam's hands are like magic.

They kiss deeply, heat coursing all through Tommy's body, and he's so turned on that he's shaking. Adam's thumb swipes over the head of his cock, and Tommy groans into the kiss. Adam does it again, fisting him just tight enough, stroking him just roughly enough. 

His orgasm takes him by surprise, hitting him like a truck, and he curses into Adam's mouth, coming over Adam's hand. Pleasure courses through him until he's slumped on Adam's chest, boneless.

Adam kisses him sweetly and slowly until his breathing goes back to normal. Tommy moves until he's beside Adam, and Adam grabs a tissue from his bedside, cleaning off his hand, and then he turns to Tommy, kisses him again.

"That was, fuck, so good." Adam groans.

"I can't say I have any complaints." Tommy smiles softly.

"Stay the night. Please?" Adam asks.

"I don't have anything to wear," Tommy points out, even though he does kind of want to stay.

"You can borrow some of my clothes, if you want. You don't have to." Adam looks uncertain.

"Yeah, okay, but, ah, can I change somewhere else?" Tommy asks. He doesn't want someone as amazing as Adam to see his ugly scar.

"Of course. As much as I'd like to see you naked, I'm not into pressuring people," Adam says calmly. He seems pleased that Tommy has agreed to stay.

Adam finds some clothes, and Tommy goes to the bathroom to change. When he comes back to the bedroom Adam’s gotten comfortable, as well. He's in bed with the TV on and the covers on one side pulled back for Tommy. He gets into bed beside Adam, in his oversized clothes, and Adam throws an arm around his shoulders. Tommy can't resist cuddling in a little. He's not really used to still getting affection after everyone's had their orgasm. But Adam isn't like some trick.

"Want to watch a movie? I'm not tiered yet," Adam tells him

"Yeah. Movie’s good. Too early for me to sleep anyway." Tommy hasn't slept well for years.

"I, I just want to say, if you want this to be a one time thing, it won't effect your job or our friendship. I know you’re not looking for anything right now. But if you wanted, I'd like it if we just saw how it went. You know, if it happens again that would be amazing, but if not, I won't, it wouldn't be a problem," Adam says, looking awkward.

"I hate talking about this shit, but I'm kind of glad you said something, or I would have probably freaked out sometime tomorrow. Um, I like you. But I suck at dating, and I don't want to ruin things. Maybe we could keep it low pressure? Like, be friends with benefits, and, like, if you need a date for something, I can do that. But, like, you won't expect me to be perfect?" He wants more from Adam already, but he doesn't want to loose what they already have.

"That sounds pretty good. Friendship, sex, just casual. No stress. I mean, I already care about you. Is that a problem?" Adam asks.

Tommy feels like his heart skips a beat. Adam says it so casually, like it's no big deal, but very few people have ever told Tommy they cared about him. Since his parents died, he thinks maybe the only person he's believed cared about him truly was Mia, till now. Adam has no reason to lie, Tommy's already as good as offered sex on tap. Adam doesn't need to pretend to care to get it.

"No, that's not a problem," Tommy says, leaning in for a kiss.

Adam kisses him more sweetly than any lover, male or female ever has, and Tommy’s glad Adam hasn't asked him to keep his emotions out of this, because he doesn't think he'd be able to manage that. And that is fucking terrifying. 

++++++

After the album drops, Adam decides on a trip to Carbo for the band. And it's fun. It's not till they’re on the beach that things get a little awkward, when more than one person asks why Tommy hasn't taken his shirt off. Everyone else has their’s off, and they’re tanning in the warm sun.

"Leave him be. Have you seen how pale this guy is? Do you want him burning?" Adam asks, and when everyone goes back to talking, Tommy turns to him and mouths a 'thank you'. Adam might not know why Tommy doesn't like to take his shirt off, but he understands that he doesn’t, and he hasn't tried to push Tommy on it.

Since the first time they hooked up, they've fooled around a few times: blowjobs and handjobs. They haven't gone further yet, but they're sharing a room for this holiday, so Tommy thinks it might be the time. They have the time, no obligations, and they'll be alone all week. 

And Tommy knows Adam will let him keep his shirt on for that if he wants. But Tommy’s been thinking. Adam is so good to him, so understanding, would he really reject Tommy because of a scar? But it's not just showing off the scar. It's explaining how he got it that would be a total mood killer.

He doesn't want to go through that, wishes he could skip the explaining part and fall naked into bed with Adam, enjoy this vacation, make the most of his alone time with Adam before they go on tour. But anyone seeing a scar that big would have questions. Jake had seen it plenty and never asked. But it doesn't take a genius to work out that Adam and Jake are very, very different men. Jake hadn't cared about knowing about the scar, because he hadn't cared about Tommy's past. Because when they’d met, they’d both been fucked up. It wasn't that Jake hadn't cared about him in his own way. It was just that Jake was too screwed up to care for anyone properly.

Adam is so different. He won't push Tommy about it, but Tommy knows it's on his mind. He catches Adam looking at him at times when Tommy avoids taking his shirt off, like he's wondering. And if Adam sees the scar, he’ll have questions about it. He wouldn't force Tommy to tell him; he's not that kind of guy, but it would be in his head. He'd want to know. He'd worry about how it happened.

"You look serious," Brian comments, sitting down next to him while most of the others are playing in the water. Adam is in the chair on Tommy's other side. It looks like he's fallen asleep under his hat.

"I'm okay. Just thinking about random shit, you know." Tommy shrugs, trying to play it off.

"You sure, cutie? You look really stressed." Brian frowns.

"Yeah, just, I get thoughtful sometimes, I guess," Tommy says, which isn't really a lie. He does.

"Well, okay, but if you ever need to talk, you know you can talk to me, right?" Brian offers.

"Thanks, man." Tommy smiles. He loves these people, this band. It's been a few months, and they’re already like family to him. 

Adam more than anyone, and that makes him think. He needs to man up. If he's going to have sex with Adam, he wants to be able to take his cloths off. He wants that intimacy with Adam.

He sits chatting with Brian for a while before Brian goes back to the water, and Tommy lies back on his lounge chair getting comfortable so he can try and take a nap. 

That night after dinner, Tommy goes to bed early. No one has commented on the fact that Tommy and Adam are sharing a bedroom. It's not like they've been advertising the fact they’re hooking up, but Tommy’s sure that people must know something’s going on. They don't do anything in public, because they don't want the press to get involved.

Tommy likes that the band is accepting enough to not question it. Mia knows about what's been going on because Tommy told her, but he doesn't know if Adam told any of his friends. 

He puts on some music in the bedroom and waits for Adam to come to bed, not getting undressed yet. He doesn't have to wait that long before Adam appears. 

"They’re watching a movie. But I thought it'd be more fun to come see you. Unless you really are trying to get some sleep. If you are, I can leave you to nap, if you want?" Adam offers leaning against the door.

"I think you know me well enough to know that I'm not really an early night kind of guy." Tommy smiles faintly, stretching out on the bed to work out some kinks. But it has the added bonus of getting to watch the way Adam's eyes darken as he watches Tommy's every move.

"I thought it was unlike you to have an early night. I was a little worried that something might be wrong," Adam admits.

"No, nothing’s wrong." Tommy shakes his head.

"I'm not sure I believe you." Adam frowns, walking over to the bed and sitting down on the edge.

"It's not that something is wrong exactly. I was just kind of thinking today, and I want to. Fuck it, I want to have sex with you," Tommy blurts out.

"That doesn't sound like a bad thing." Adam smiles gently, reaching out and taking Tommy's hand, Adam's hand warm on his, so different from the cool sheets.

"I want to get naked with you, Adam," Tommy says, squeezing Adam's hand to try and make himself feel better.

"That sounds like a really good thing," Adam says, and then he gets a serious look on his face.

"You sure? I know you’re not very comfortable with the whole nudity thing," Adam says softly. 

"I trust you. I just, I'm a little freaked out about doing it. It's been a long time since I took my shirt off with someone," Tommy says honestly.

"Well I'm honoured that you feel comfortable enough to do this with me." Adam moves on the bed till they are sitting side by side, and then he leans over and gives Tommy a tender kiss.

"I don't want to freak out, and I'm really worried that I'm going to freak out," Tommy admits.

"We don't have to do this, Tommy. There are lots of things we can do. I want you to have a good time here. I really like you. I don't want to upset you," Adam says gently.

"It's not you. It's me: my fucked up head. Seriously you might not have noticed yet, but I'm a mess." Tommy laughs without any humour in the sound.

"You are not messed up, and even if you are, I like you anyway. I don't expect you to be perfect, Tommy Joe. If what you are is messed up, well, then I like you just the way you are," Adam tells him firmly.

And sometimes Tommy thinks all you need is to feel like you’re doing the right thing before you do it, and Adam makes him feel like he's doing the exact right thing.

"Okay, I can do this." Tommy takes a deep breath, and then he stands up, not wanting to be on the bed when he does this. Hell, he wants to be able to throw his shirt back on if Adam is disgusted, or if, the more likely option, he himself freaks out.

He knows it's now or never. If he keeps thinking about it, he'll never do it. So he grabs the hem of his shirt and tugs it up and off, keeping a hold of it, tightly fisted in his stomach, bunched up somewhere around his stomach. He knows the second Adam sees it by the way he gasps lightly.

"Oh, Tommy," Adam says softly.

"Fucked up, right?" Tommy asks, looking down at himself and that twisted reminder of the worst night of his life, the first night his world went to hell. It's taken a lot to climb away from that place, and he thought maybe this, the contest, the band was a way to leave the past behind, but it's there, like a constant shadow dogging his every step. 

"Baby, look at me," Adam orders gently.

Tommy does, and Adam doesn't look disgusted like Tommy had feared he would. 

"Come back to bed, please?" Adam asks.

Tommy gets on the bed and crawls over to Adam till he's kneeling beside him on the bed.

"You’re beautiful. This scar, it doesn't change anything. I wish you could see that, but I can tell you don't see what I do." Adam reaches out, hesitating before he touches Tommy's chest, over Tommy's heart, instead of on the scar in the centre.

"You can't pretend it's not ugly," Tommy argues. 

"I think scars look kind of cool. It's a part of you, so it can't be ugly, okay? You need to be a little kinder to yourself. Take that from someone who used to be fat, ginger, freckly and bullied. I was a drama fag. I hated myself, because I was sure I wasn't what people wanted me to be. But fuck that. Anyone worth your time should take you as you come," Adam says almost angrily, such passion in his voice. It's so clear that he really, really means it. 

Tommy can feel himself shaking a little, and before he knows it, Adam’s up on his knees to and pulling Tommy into a hug. His naked chest tight against the warm cotton of Adam's T-shirt, Tommy lifts his arms and wraps them around Adam, holding on just as tightly as Adam’s holding on to him.

"Thank you for showing me, for trusting me," Adam says softly against Tommy's neck.

"It...There was an accident, when I was ten," Tommy says softly. He can't bring himself to say more, and he hides his face against Adam's neck.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry you got hurt. I wish I could take away every bad thing that happened to you. I wish I could make everything better. Sounds stupid, I know, but I mean it. I can't stand the people I care about being in pain." Adam kisses his bare shoulder, and Tommy shivers.

Adam tugs on Tommy a little, encouraging him to lie down. He ends up on his side, facing Adam, still wrapped up in Adam's arms as they lie there together in each others arms.

"I guess me getting all freaky was kind of a mood killer," Tommy says softly.

"If you think I don't still want you, then you’re crazy, Tommy Joe. But we don't have to do anything tonight. You look sad. I just want to make you smile, so what ever that takes, what ever it is," Adam says softly, stroking Tommy's side, almost tickling it’s so gentle. 

"You...You're something else, Lambert. I've never had a guy treat me the way you do." Tommy sighs.

Other than Mia, he's had friends, good friends, guys and girls. Out of them all, he's always been closest to Mia, but he's never shown her the scar on his chest. Not because he thinks it'll matter to her, but because he doesn't want to show her the ugly parts of his past. He's not sure what it says about Adam that Tommy is willing to show him his ugly parts.

"Well, you've known some pretty crappy guys then, because you deserve a hell of a lot better," Adam says firmly.

Tommy can't help it; he kisses Adam, means for it to just be quick and sweet, but Adam is holding him so close, he feels warm and safe, and something sparks inside of him, lighting him up from the inside, and he deepens the kiss.

"We don't have to do anything." Adam pants, his eyes are full of want, he still wants Tommy, that's clear. But he can tell Adam doesn't want him to do anything that will make him uncomfortable. Tommy’s hit with a moment of pure certainty then, that Adam will always do his best not to hurt him, and he'll never hurt him on purpose. 

"I want to, if you still want me." He has to be sure.

"Of course I want you." Adam proves his point by kissing Tommy hard and rolling him onto his back, pinning him down to the bed, and Tommy’s a little in love with the way Adam's weight feels on top of him. It feels right.

"Take your shirt off," Tommy says, tugging at the material covering Adam.

"Okay." Adam lifts up a little and strips off his T-shirt. He drops it off the side of the bed, and when he kisses Tommy again, it’s naked skin on naked skin, and Tommy sighs in pleasure at the feeling.

"I love the sounds you make." Adam smiles, leaning down to nip at Tommy's lips.

"I put the music on so no one would hear us. They might know we're sharing a room and guess we are having sex, but I don't want my friends hearing how I sound when I'm turned on," Tommy says, flushing slightly with embarrassment. 

"Planning ahead? I like it. And it's good that we don't have to worry about getting loud." Adam smiles, leaning in and kissing Tommy's collarbone in a way that makes Tommy squirm. 

"You telling me you're a loud fuck, Adam?" Tommy asks with a grin.

"Sometimes, if the sex is good, which it always is with you. I mean I'm not exactly quiet with your mouth on me. And I like to hear you moan. I'd like to see how much I can make you moan." Adam kisses him again, and Tommy doesn't have to force the moan.

"See, you make the most gorgeous sounds. I want to hear more of that," Adam purrs, and they kiss again, hands mapping out the exposed skin. It feels good to get his hands on Adam and to have Adam's hands on him. He doesn't even flinch when he notices the ridge of scar tissue on his chest pressing into Adam's unmarked skin.

When Adam's hand cups him between his legs, his breath stutters, and he arches into the touch, wanting more pressure. He always gets so hard kissing Adam, but he can feel Adam, knows that Adam is always here with him. 

"Clothes off?" Adam asks.

"Yeah, come on. I want to see all of you." Tommy's thought about it a lot, what Adam would look like without a single thing on.

Adam lifts up off of him and quickly strips out of his clothes, and then he crouches on the bed and strips Tommy's shorts and underwear off. He feel nervous for a second, even though Adam’s already seen his dick, but the nerves go away almost instantly when he sees the way that Adam’s looking at him.

When Adam goes to lie down over Tommy again, he puts a hand out and stops Adam, keeping him where he is, crouched above Tommy, and Adam looks confused.

"Wanna look at you," Tommy explains, looking Adam up and down, his lightly tanned skin, his freckles. He has broad shoulders, a narrower waist. He looks incredible, and Tommy drinks in the sight of him.

"I like the way you look at me," Adam says softly.

"I like the way you look. You have a gorgeous dick, it's also huge. Don't know how I manage to go down on you." Tommy grins, letting Adam lower himself a little, till they’re all tangled up together.

"It's not that big, but you’re very, very good at it." Adam smiles and kisses him. Tommy loves the feel of Adam's naked cock nestled against his, warm and hard, a little wet at the tip, so perfect. 

They kiss, soft to deep and back again, bodies pressed close, moving together until Tommy is squirming.

"You have lube, right?" Tommy asks, surprised by how unsteady his voice sounds. 

"Yeah, of course. Want me to get it?" Adam offers.

"Yeah, please." Tommy watches as Adam rolls over and opens the bedside drawer, gets a condom and a tube of lube, but Tommy is more focused on the stretch of Adam's long body on the sheets. He looks incredible. 

When Adam comes back to him, he presses between Tommy's slightly spread legs, hiking them up around his waist. Tommy normally feels too vulnerable on his back, preferring the distance that doggy style gives him. But he has no urge to ask Adam to change position. He finds himself liking the closeness, liking being able to see Adam.

"God, I want to finger you so bad. Can I? Or do you like to get yourself ready?" Adam asks, biting his lip.

"You, I want you. I want to feel your fingers. They look, just...Yeah, I want your fingers," Tommy rambles. He loves Adam's hands, the way they feel on his body. He wants to feel the stretch of Adam's long, thick fingers inside of him.

Adam smoothes his hands over the inside of Tommy's thighs, making the skin tingle at the touch, like every nerve is hyper aware of Adam's touch. Then he runs just the tips of his fingers over Tommy's cock, making his breath hitch. It almost tickles, but it feels good, a tease of pleasure. 

"I've thought about this," Adam says as he opens the lube and starts slicking up the fingers on one hand.

"I've thought about it too," Tommy admits, shifting on the bed a little, trying to get comfortable and trying to give Adam better access. He's a little nervous, but not nearly as bad as he thought he’d be. 

It seems silly, after the amount of sex he's had, to still get nervous, but Tommy thinks after all the very bad sex he's had, maybe it's sensible to be nervous. But even though it's been a while, he's not really afraid this is going to hurt. He just doesn't believe that Adam has it in him to be a thoughtless lover.

"So sexy. I almost can't believe I have you in my bed," Adam says as the pads of his fingers find Tommy's hole and rub gently, slicking him up a little and sending small sparks of pleasure through him.

"You can believe it, I'm here. Wouldn't wanna be anywhere else." Tommy's not really sure how to deal with the way Adam treats him like he's something special. No one else he's slept with has ever done that. He's never felt special when he was in someone's bed. But being here with Adam, he kind of does feel a little special.

Adam starts to press a finger inside, and it's been a while, but Tommy's relaxed, and Adam’s using plenty of lube. Even though his fingers are kind of big, the first one slides in easily, and it doesn't hurt, doesn't feel like much of anything until Adam moves it a little. Tommy flushes hot as pleasure starts to build, and his head drops back as Adam slowly fucks him with one finger.

"More, please," Tommy pants.

Adam doesn't ask if he's sure. He just adds another finger, and that finger goes in pretty easily too, with just a second of discomfort. And then the fingers are being moved smoothly together, and when Adam hits that perfect spot, Tommy moans louder than he means to, and he tries to stop it.

"No, don't. You sound so good. Don't hold back, please. I want to hear you. I want to know what you like," Adam begs, and so the next time Tommy feels a moan building in his throat, he just lets it loose.

"Yes, god, you sound so amazing, beautiful baby," Adam sounds so turned on, and Tommy likes that, likes how he can hear how he’s effecting Adam.

He rolls his hips to meet the thrusts of Adam's fingers and almost chokes on his tongue when Adam wraps his other hand around Tommy's cock and jacks him in time to his fingers.

"Fuck, Adam, you need to fuck me right now," Tommy groans.

"You sure? Are you ready?" Adam asks.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Need you in me." Tommy has never been so sure about sex in his life. 

Adam rolls on the condom he'd put on the bed and slicks up his cock with more lube. Then he leans down and kisses the inside of Tommy's thigh, softly, before kissing a path up to Tommy's mouth. The kiss is hot and deep and makes Tommy ache in the sweetest way.

Tommy wraps his legs more firmly around Adam's waist and lets himself relaxes as Adam positions his cock. Adam has one hand on his own dick, the other on Tommy's hip, and he feels empty without the fingers. He wants Adam inside him now. He doesn't think he’s ever been so impatient to be filled. 

Adam starts to press inside, and Tommy closes his eyes for a second, letting Adam take control, set the pace, even though he wants to rush. Adam's cock is a lot bigger than his fingers, but it feels good pushing inside of Tommy, and he can't keep quiet. He knows Adam doesn't want him to, so he lets the soft sounds escape. 

"Tell me if it's too much," Adam says softly as he sinks in just that little bit further.

"It's good, I promise. It's really good." Tommy groans, and then Adam is all the way inside of him, and Tommy's back arches, hips rolling, his cock heavy on his belly, smearing wetly over his skin.

"Oh god, you've gotta move. Fuck me, please, fuck," Tommy moans.

Adam leans up and kisses him hard before he starts moving, and it's probably one of the most perfect kisses Tommy’s ever had. He slides his hands up Adam's back and holds on as Adam starts thrusting. 

It feels so good; better than he can ever remember sex feeling. He's had bad sex, truly terrible sex and painful sex. He's had drunk sex, sex while high and good sex, but this, this is something else. It’s like Adam was made for him.

"You're so tight. Feels so good. Fuck, Tommy," Adam gasps, thrusting into Tommy.

"Harder. Come on. I can take it." Tommy pants.

Adam kisses him again, moaning against his lips as he fucks into Tommy harder, and Tommy can't help it; he digs his blunt fingernails into Adam's shoulders, but Adam just groans and thrusts harder.

"Please," Tommy groans.

"Anything. What do you need, baby?" Adam asks, kissing Tommy's neck and sucking lightly.

"Need to come, please." Tommy groans, arching his neck into the touch of Adam's lips, not caring if it leaves a mark, kind of wanting it to.

"Okay. God, I want to feel you lose it." Adam wraps his hand around Tommy's cock as he keeps thrusting, and the pleasure washes through Tommy's body. 

Tommy doesn't last long like that, Adam's cock inside him, Adam's hand stroking him. It's almost too much at the same time as not being enough, and then Adam kisses him again, rough and almost sloppy, but so, so good, and Tommy can feel his orgasm building fast.

"Gonna come," Tommy gasps, and Adam's strokes speed up.

It feels like an explosion going off inside of him. He doesn't just feel it in his cock, his balls. It's like the pleasure is everywhere as he spills over his chest. 

"Oh, fuck, you feel so good." Adam moans loudly, losing his rhythm as he fucks into Tommy, reaching up to kiss Tommy hard enough to bruise his lips, and Tommy likes that. He wants to still be feeling this tomorrow. 

Adam's hips stutter, and he moans brokenly against Tommy's mouth as he comes, his orgasm clearly hitting him hard, and Tommy kisses him hard, wanting this connection to last forever. He holds on to Adam as he shakes and keeps kissing him as Adam's body starts to get heavy, and he all but collapses onto Tommy.

After a few moments Adam turns them so that they are on their side, one hand on his cock as he withdraws from Tommy, dealing with the condom quickly and without letting go of Tommy. He doesn't seem to care about the mess of Tommy's come on his stomach and chest, and once the condom is gone he leans in and kisses Tommy again.

"Even more perfect than I imagined," Adam says softly.

If anyone else had said that, Tommy probably would have made a joke about with all his experience, he should be good at this, but he knows Adam means it. He's not just saying it because he thinks he should, like a lot of people say the things they think you want to hear after sex. 

"Thank you," Tommy says, and he doesn't just mean for calling him perfect, doesn't even just mean the amazing sex. He means thank you for everything.

Tommy knows he's done a lot to change his own life, but Adam is changing it in big ways too. 

"I might not let you out of this bedroom for the whole vacation," Adam jokes.

"I'd probably be okay with that," Tommy says, kind of serious.

"You know, I don't want to fuck this up, but I really care about you, Tommy," Adam says seriously. 

Tommy expects to feel fear, because he's never had a serious relationship before, and he has so many reasons not to have one. But he's not afraid of Adam's feelings for him. He's a little afraid of his own feelings for Adam. He's falling in love, and that has the potential to hurt. He's never been in love before, and he's so worried that if he opens himself up to Adam, he'll get hurt. But he's had so little good in his life. He doesn't want to fight feeling something good.

"I care about you, too. I guess we're not doing too good at this keeping it casual thing, are we?" Tommy asks softly.

"Not really. But is that okay? Can we be a little bit more serious?" Adam asks.

"Yeah, we can. Just, I'm fine with the band knowing, but I'm still not ready to be out. I don't want the press in our business," Tommy says, because he doesn't think he'll handle the outside pressure on a new relationship well.

"Can I tell my family about us?" Adam asks.

"Yeah, I think Neil already knows, but, yeah," Tommy says, hoping like hell that Adam doesn't ask if he wants to tell his family. 

"Cool. That's all that matters to me. The press knowing really isn't important to me." Adam leans in and kisses him again.

Tommy feels brave for trying to do this, but he feels like a coward for not so much as mentioning his family, let alone his past. He'll call Mia in the morning. She'll tell him he's not a coward, but he has a feeling that he’ll still feel like one.

++++++++

They do a couple of local shows before the record company arranges a real tour, and Adam decides they should all go out and celebrate on there last free Saturday. Theygo for a meal and then head to a swanky bar, meeting up with more friends. Tommy starts to feel a little too hot, so he heads outside to the smoking area for some cool air.

The last thing he expects is to recognise someone, but he does. But then even though it was years ago, Tommy saw this guy every week for around a year. He's not about to forget his face. Tommy goes to duck back inside, but some people get in his way, and before he can disappear back into the bar, the guy is coming over to him.

He could run, but that would cause more of a scene. What would all of these snooty people think if they saw some rocker guy in makeup running away from an almost fifty-year-old businessman in a suit? They'd probably think Tommy had stolen his wallet. 

"Tim, isn't this place a little upmarket for you, or are you here on a date?" The guy always gave his name as James, but Tommy doesn't know if that's any more real than him saying his was 'Tim', and the way James says date puts Tommy's teeth on edge. Hell, just being around this guy is making him feel sick to his stomach.

"I don't do that anymore," Tommy finds himself saying.

"What a shame. I have some friends who would like you. You're not quite the same as you were then, but I'm sure you'd still be worth it." James grins. It's not a nice smile. It never was. It's vicious like a shark. 

"I don't want any trouble. Just leave me alone." Tommy has to focus on the words in order not to stutter them out.

"Don't act like you're better than me or above being paid. I know what you are," James snaps.

"Yeah? Well I know what you are. A guy who likes his ass underage," Tommy spits, anger breaking through the fear.

"You little..." A voice behind Tommy cuts off James.

"Hey, babe, you okay?" Adam's voice sounds tight, and Tommy doesn't want to turn to look at him.

"Fine. Let’s go," Tommy says quickly, and it looks like James might say something, but Adam doesn't really give him a chance, quickly guiding Tommy away.

"I...I can explain." Tommy knows Adam had to hear something. His voice, it was all wrong, not like Adam at all, and he hadn't even asked who the man Tommy was talking to was, didn't say hello. Adam isn't rude. It's clear he knew James wasn't a friend.

"Maybe not here?" Adam sounds uncertain.

If things turn to shit, he doesn't want to get dumped in public, but he doesn't want to go to Adam's place like they planned, either. Nothing would be worse than having to come home alone in the dark, having to be terrified as well as heartbroken and alone.

"Lets go to my place," Tommy decides. If Adam finds it weird, he doesn't argue. He doesn't even say goodbye to his friends, just texts Neil that they are leaving. Tommy wonders if their friends will think they’re just slipping off for a quickie, when that’s pretty far from the truth.

They don't talk in the taxi back to Tommy's place. The driver babbling on fills the awkward silence. When they do get to Tommy's place, Mia is already in bed, and Tommy doesn't know what he would have done if she were up. He grabs a bottle of whisky from the kitchen, and when he goes back, Adam is already sitting. Tommy sits opposite him, wanting some distance because he has a feeling that after this, his ass is going to get dumped.

He pours out some whisky for each of them. It's not like it matters if he gets drunk. He's not going anywhere tonight, and, well, if Adam's going to leave him, he might as well get a head start on drinking himself stupid.

"You're scaring me, Tommy. You looked terrified of that guy. I wanted to hit him just for putting that look on your face. And I heard you say something about sleeping with him when you were underage, and he was a lot older than you, and I'm really confused." Adam sounds upset, and Tommy hates that. He also has the brief thought that he would have really liked to see Adam hit James. Guy always was an asshole, even before tonight.

"I...What did you think was going on?" Tommy asks, stalling.

"Maybe a bad ex. Even though I can’t picture you with him. Did you really sleep with that guy?" Adam asks. 

"Yeah, I did," Tommy nods, taking a drink, even though it does nothing for the sick feeling in his stomach.

"When you were underage?" Adam presses.

"I was sixteen." Tommy nods. He'd met James when he'd been working for about a year, and James had visited Tommy's corner every week without fail for a whole year. Tommy hadn't questioned it when he'd stopped coming, figured he'd maybe gotten to old for James’ taste. 

"He had to have a good twenty years on you. He should be in jail." Adam sounds shocked.

"I really don't want to do this." Tommy moans.

"Do what?" Adam asks.

"Tell you this." Tommy sighs.

"Tell me that you had an older boyfriend?" Adam frowns.

"He wasn't my boyfriend. God, you won't ever look at me the same." Tommy buries his head in his hands.

"Hey," Adam says softly, and he's suddenly beside Tommy on the couch, gently moving Tommy's hands away from his face.

"Whatever you need to tell me, I can't imagine it being so terrible that I wouldn't see you the same. You’re a good and beautiful person, Tommy. You'd have to have done something pretty terrible to make me think or feel any differently," Adam says firmly.

It should make Tommy feel better, but it doesn't, because what he did was terrible. He hates even thinking about it. A lot of people would be sickened by it. They're dating, not even just fooling around. Adam deserves a better boyfriend than one with a history like his.

"I hate whatever's making you look so sad," Adam says gently, still holding Tommy's hands.

"He wasn't my boyfriend..." Tommy repeats, trying to get the words out. 

"One night stand? Affair? Whatever it was, he shouldn't have been with someone that young." Adam frowns.

"He paid me...And he wasn't the only one," Tommy whispers, feeling like he might actually be sick.

"Are you saying what I think you are?" Adam looks stunned.

"Men used to pay me for sex." Tommy almost chokes on the words.

"How long ago?" Adam asks, and Tommy can't read his face now.

"Around ten years ago. I did it for three years," Tommy explains.

"Why?" Adam's voice, he sounds almost lost.

"Why does anyone do that, Adam? Money. I needed money." He still remembers Jake suggesting it so casually. He'd never seemed bothered by Tommy doing it, either. They'd kept sleeping together, even though Tommy was going out almost every night and sleeping with countless men.

"For what? Drugs? Gambling? What could you need money for at fifteen?" Adam looks confused. 

"No, nothing like that. I needed it to live. I...We don't all have families like yours, Adam," Tommy says softly. He can't bear to talk about his parents now as well, or the years in the home that lead to leaving with Jake. Hell, he doesn't want to talk about Jake either.

"I'm sorry. It's just, I'm shocked." Adam sighs.

"It's not every day you find out that the guy you’re screwing used to be a hooker," Tommy agrees.

"Don't say that." Adam sounds horrified.

"Say what?" Tommy asks.

"That you’re the guy I'm screwing, like that's all it is. I know it means more to you, and it damn sure means a hell of a lot more to me." Adam looks hurt.

"I didn't mean it like that. You know I care about you. It's just, I really wouldn't blame you for walking away, now you know what I did." The idea of being without Adam, it physically hurts, but he's not going to throw a fit, because he really wouldn't blame Adam for wanting to leave him.

"Walk away? Because you went through something horrible to survive? Tommy, what kind of asshole do you think I am?" Adam looks almost offended.

"I don't think you're an asshole. It's just, who wants to date a whore?" Tommy asks.

"You are not a whore," Adam says angrily.

"But I was," Tommy whispers.

"What you are is a survivor. I can't imagine how you ended up where you did, but I'm glad you got to where you are." Adam pulls him into a hug, and Tommy is so shocked that he can't even move. He's totally rigid in Adam's hold for the first time.

"I don't want to talk about why I did it," Tommy whispers. He doesn't even want to think about why he ended up selling himself.

"It's okay, you don't have to," Adam says, his big hands rubbing Tommy's back, clearly trying to soothe him.

"You don't hate me?" Tommy asks, still stiff, sitting bolt upright in Adam's arms.

"No, baby. I could never hate you," Adam promises.

"And you still want me?" Tommy asks, terrified of the answer, but he has to ask, needs to know. Better to find out now, before he falls deeper. 

"I can't imagine ever not wanting you. Of course I still want you." Adam presses a soft, chaste kiss to Tommy's cheek.

"You mean that?" He can't believe it.

"Yes. God, yes," Adam says firmly, and Tommy finds himself finally relaxing in Adam's hold, hugging him back. 

Adam just holds him even tighter, and they stay that way for a long time. They don't even leave the couch that night to go to bed. They just stay there, holding each other until Tommy falls asleep.

He wakes up relieved that Adam’s still with him and a little embarrassed to see Mia sitting on the other couch, drinking a cup of coffee.

"This is your wild night of celebration?" Mia asks, but then she looks at his face, and her smile slips.

"What happened? Are you guys okay?" Mia looks worried.

Tommy sits up a little, but he's glad when Adam moves with him, keeping an arm around Tommy's shoulders as he sits up and rubs sleep out of his eyes. 

"We're okay." Tommy sighs.

"Tommy, I've known you long enough not to believe that. Did you do something to him?" Mia asks, almost glaring at Adam.

"What, Mia? Of course he didn't," Tommy bursts out, shocked.

"Baby, you still look so sad, and you were with me. You gotta see how Mia might think I did something to make you sad," Adam says calmly, running a gentle hand through Tommy's hair.

"You'd never hurt me, though," Tommy says, and he doesn't think he's believed that about a man since his father passed.

"I'm sorry, Adam. Its just he never dates, and I'm a little protective." Mia shrugs.

"I'm glad you are," Adam says, sounding fond. 

"I...," Tommy breaks off and looks at Adam. Adam takes his hand and squeezes it tightly, but still gentle.

"I ran into someone I used to know. Fuck...This doesn't get easier the second time. I met someone I knew before I met you, Mia," Tommy tries to explain.

"Tommy, if you are trying to say what I think you are, I already know," Mia says softly.

"What? But I've never told you. I never said what I used to do." Tommy can't believe she knows, has known. They must have their wires crossed. 

"What you used to do. So I'm right. Tommy, I saw you come into that diner every morning. I saw how you dressed, all sexy. And how young you were to be just ending your day that early. I'm not stupid. I knew." Mia sighs.

"You knew what I was when you first came and offered to help me get a job?" Tommy asks. He feels like he's going to cry.

"I could see you were looking to get out of that life, always looking for jobs, asking the people in the diner if there were any jobs going. And I could see what you were doing was killing you. I wanted to help. You deserved that." Mia looks like she’s on the verge of tears too. 

"Why haven’t you ever said anything? It's been ten years." Tommy can't believe it. He thought no one in his life knew about that part of his past.

"I saw from the moment I met you that you didn't want to talk about yourself. I was always worried that if I said something, it would push you away, that you'd run off," Mia admits.

"I probably would have run," Tommy says honestly. Hell, half of him wants to run now, but he loves her too much, and Adam's hand in his makes him feel strong.

"It never changed what I thought of you or made me think less of you. You were always just this sweet little punk who played the guitar and made me wish I could fall in love with you like that. You’re one of the most important people in my life. That will never change," Mia says, and now she’s crying.

When he stands, Adam squeezes his hand once before letting go, and then Tommy goes to her, goes to Mia and hugs her as hard as he can.

"You helped save me. Maybe I'd have gotten a job on my own, but you were the first person who was kind to me for no reason for a long time. I can never thank you enough," Tommy mumbles into her neck.

"Sweetheart, you’ve been there for me through thick and thin. I did one thing, one decent thing that a million people could have done. I didn't do much at all, really, but you, you've shown me how to never give up. You’re so strong, and I love you," Mia says, brushing her tears away with one hand.

"You did a lot, and I love you, too," Tommy says softly. Mia is family, has been for a long time.

"Get over here, idiot," Mia orders over Tommy's shoulder, and the next thing Tommy knows, Adam is joining the hug.

Tommy just holds them, the two most important people in his whole world. They know what he did, and they love him anyway. It gives him hope.

 

+++++++

 

They go to Europe for two months. Lots of shows, lots of interviews. It's amazing, tiring, but incredible. Tommy loves getting on stage and performing with Adam and the others. 

Adam is like pure sex on stage, and more often than not, Tommy finds himself turned on as well. Tonight is their last show before they go home for a couple of weeks, and Adam has been ramping it up. He's been flirting with Tommy all night. The way Adam looks at him, people might not notice, but it's enough to have Tommy twitchy.

By the end of the show, Tommy's hard in his jeans and glad for his guitar covering it. When Adam comes close again, Tommy’s wary, but all Adam does is lean against him and sing a little, which is still enough to fluster Tommy.

He doesn't think he's ever left the stage faster than when they finish the final song. As soon as they’re out of sight of the audience, Tommy grabs Adam's hand and starts leading them back to Adam's dressing room. Everything else can wait. He pushes Adam inside and shuts the door, making sure to lock it behind him.

"In a hurry, Tommy?" Adam asks, eyes sparkling.

"You're a fucking tease," Tommy growls.

"I was just performing." Adam grins.

"And you know what it does to me when you're like that," Tommy complains, crowding into Adam's space and stealing a kiss.

"Turned on, baby?" Adam asks, cupping Tommy's dick through his pants.

"Yes. You’re so amazing up there. I love watching you," Tommy admits, nuzzling into Adam's neck as Adam strokes him slowly.

"You're beautiful when you play. I just want to touch you when we're up there. I want to kiss you all the time," Adam says, and then he does kiss Tommy, hard and fast, nipping Tommy's lip and then licking his mouth open. 

They stumble over to the couch set against one wall, and Adam presses him down on to it, before getting to his knees on the floor in front of the couch. His hands go to Tommy's pants and unzip them, and Tommy’s glad that he went commando at Adam's suggestion. Because it means Adam's hand is there, wrapping around him and stroking him.

"Okay, maybe you’re not a tease." Tommy smiles down at Adam.

"Oh I might tease, but I always deliver eventually," Adam says, leaning in to lick a stripe up Tommy's cock.

"Fuck, I'm so wound up. I'm not going to last," Tommy admits. He's been hard for so long. He's desperate to get off.

"Probably a good thing. We need to be back at the hotel pretty soon," Adam says, and then he's opening his mouth and taking Tommy in, sinking down and down till his lips meet his fingers. 

Tommy's head falls back onto the couch, and he groans. Adam is so good with his mouth. Tommy will never get sick of doing this with him. He runs one hand over Adam's shoulder, holding on, and lets the other drift to Adam's hair, stiff with sweat and hairspray in places, but still soft. He threads his fingers into it gently. He doesn't need to guide Adam. Adam knows what he likes.

The benefit of having sex with the same person on a regular basis, you soon learn how to drive them crazy with very little difficulty. Adam sure as hell knows how to drive Tommy crazy.

"Fuck, Adam," Tommy groans, and then he hears a noise outside.

"Shit, someone is going to hear me," Tommy curses.

Adam pulls off for a second. "Find a way to stay quiet, then. I want to make you lose it. Wish I could have just gone down on you on stage, right in front of all those people," Adam whispers hotly.

Tommy lifts the hand he has on Adam's shoulder to his own mouth and bites down on the back of his hand. It hurts, but it's the only thing he can think of to muffle the noises coming out of his mouth. 

Adam goes back down on him, and Tommy presses his hand harder to his mouth. It feels so good. He's sweating into his stage clothes, but he'll be taking a shower soon. That doesn't matter. Nothing matters apart from Adam's mouth on him.

He's not really concentrating on anything but the feel of Adam's mouth, so it takes Adam really tugging at his pants for Tommy to get with it and help him by lifting up a little. Once Adam has the material bunched around Tommy's ankles, he sucks a finger into his mouth alongside his cock.

Tommy's breath hitches as Adam circles his hole and then starts pressing in. He doesn't stop sucking Tommy's cock the whole time. And then his finger’s all the way inside, crooking and rubbing right over that perfect spot, and Tommy thinks he might have drawn blood, he bites down on his hand so hard. 

He's moaning Adam's name and cursing, but it comes out a garbled mess from his hand being stuffed in his mouth. He clutches at Adam's hair, trying to be careful, to not be too rough, but he can hardly control his hands. The pleasure’s so good his toes are cramping in his boots. 

His hips are rocking to the pace Adam’s setting, and the pleasure is building and building. He has to pull his hand away from his mouth to croak out a warning. Adam looks up at him without taking his mouth off of Tommy, and his eyes are dark with lust. He really gets into doing this, always seems to get hot from giving Tommy pleasure. 

"Adam," Tommy moans, and then he's coming hard, Adam swallowing around him. He's still panting when Adam straightens up and he kisses Tommy, his mouth still heavy with Tommy's taste, and Tommy moans, reaching for Adam.

"No time. You can make it up to me at the hotel." Adam grins.

They get as presentable as they can and head out. They spend most of the night screwing around, even though they have an early start the next day, so by the time they make it to the plane the next morning, Tommy’s feeling dead. He actually sleeps on the plane, his head resting on Adam's shoulder as they both doze for most of the flight.

The rest of the band isn’t subtle about having worked out why they’re so tiered. They're assholes, but Tommy loves them, and they’re nice enough to wake Tommy and Adam up to eat and get off the plane.

They're stumbling through the airport with their bags when Tommy spots a familiar face.

"That's Mia's mom," Tommy says to Adam.

"Was Mia meant to pick you up? Maybe she can't make it," Adam says.

"No, she wasn't." Tommy hurries forward, feeling sick to his stomach. He doesn't believe in god, but right now he's praying. Please don’t let it be what he's thinking, no worse case scenario. It'll be bad news, he knows that, but he's preying it's not too bad.

"Monica?" Tommy says softly when he reaches her, his heart hitting his feet when he sees how red her eyes are. She's been crying. A lot, by the looks of it. Something in her looks broken.

"Oh, Tommy. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want you to just go home and wonder where she was, and I knew your flight details were in the apartment," Monica says, and she’s starting to cry again. 

His chest feels tight as Adam takes his hand. Even though they don't do that in public, he holds on tight.

"Why isn't she at home? Did something happen? Is she in the hospital?" Tommy asks.

"Oh god, Tommy. We were supposed to have breakfast, and she didn't show up, and I couldn't get a hold of her on the phone. So I went to the apartment, and I have a key. She...The doctors said it was a blood clot. They say she wouldn't have felt a thing." Monica sobs.

"I...What are you saying?" She can't be saying what he thinks she is. She can't.

"Mia, she passed, Tommy. She's gone." Monica reaches out, and Tommy goes to her, hugs her, so stunned the tears don't come right away. 

He's not sure why, but suddenly Adam is leading them both, getting them outside.

"There were reporters," Adam says as they walk Monica to her car. Her husband Ed is waiting in the car. He looks just as broken. Tommy hugs Monica again, promises to call, and then it's like he's on autopilot. Adam’s leading the way. He's glad that Adam takes him back to his place, instead of Tommy's apartment. He doesn't know how he’s going to go back there.

They sit together on the couch, and even though it's before noon, Adam gets Tommy a drink.

"It doesn't feel real," Tommy says softly.

"I think you’re in shock, baby." Adam wraps an arm around Tommy's waist.

"She survived cancer when she was just a teenager. She got checked regularly. She was healthy." Tommy feels tears on his cheeks and doesn't bother to brush them away. He doesn't like crying around people, but Adam’s different. Hell, he knows that Tommy used to sell himself to men for money. Seeing him cry is nothing compared to that.

"I'm so sorry. I know how much you love her." Adam pulls him into a hug, and Tommy goes willingly, pressing his face into Adam's chest as he grieves.

 

+++++++

The funeral happens before they need to go back on tour, and Adam comes with him. Tommy doesn't think he would have gotten through it without Adam. Monica and Adam both help him with sorting out the apartment, Mia's things, deciding who should keep what, what to give away, and once that’s done, Tommy decides he has to move. He knows he'll go crazy if he tries to live in their apartment without Mia. He doesn’t have time to get a new place before they have to go back on tour, so Adam offers up his place.

He says no pressure, that Tommy doesn’t have to treat it like moving in together, and even though the idea of living together, even for a while, scares Tommy, he’s too tiered to try and rush around and find his own place. So he says yes, and now they’re on tour, and the weight of his loss is still heavy in his chest. But he knows he needs to try and cope. Mia wouldn't want him to give up.

More shows pass. They travel across America in a tour bus, and it's Tommy's dream. The pain doesn't leave him. It's still like a constant pain in his chest every time he takes a breath. But it seems like he's still managing to have a good time. He enjoys his time on stage, likes hanging out with the band and Adam. Adam is there for him.

The band is hanging out on Adam's bus a month or so into the tour, when everyone starts talking about how they got into music. Tommy doesn't think anything of it until he gets asked about his first guitar.

It's like he's ten again. He can see the red ribbon in his head. He totally freezes up.

"I need to borrow Tommy for a while," Adam says, breaking through the fog. 

"Really, Adam, do you ever give that boy a break?" Sutan asks with a smirk.

Adam just smiles and takes Tommy's hand, leading the way to the bedroom Adam has in the back of the bus. Tommy sits down on the bed. He keeps seeing flashes of that night, the road, the glass, his parents. 

"I think I know you pretty well. It looked like you needed to get out of there," Adam says, sitting beside Tommy on the bed.

"I did, thanks." Tommy rubs his hands on his jeans, feeling unsettled.

"Was it because Mia suggested you do the guitar contest? You got the look on your face you get when you’re thinking about her sometimes." Adam takes Tommy's hand and stops him fidgeting. 

It would be easy to lie, because it almost wouldn't even be a lie. He’s still hurting over the loss of Mia. Hurt doesn't even seem like a strong enough word to describe it. He does associate Mia with music. She did give him the push he needed to get here, but she wasn't the one who got him started on music.

"I, yeah it hurts thinking about her. It hurts so bad that I feel like I'm going to stop breathing sometimes. But it's not that, it's about my first guitar, who got it for me," Tommy admits.

"Did your parents? I mean, I wondered. I don't want to push you, but I kind of wondered if they kicked you out for being bisexual." Adam looks worried.

"They didn't. I never told them. Didn't even know back then. But it was a good guess. I've never talked about them, and a lot of families aren't as supportive as yours and Mia's." Her parents hadn't cared that she was a lesbian for even one minute, even though they were Christians.

"I'm glad that's not it. But can I ask what it is? It's totally okay if you don't want to talk about it. But I'm here for you, if you can. I want to know you." Adam looks so understanding, so caring. Tommy doesn't want to lie to him.

He hasn’t told Adam a lot of things. He hasn’t told a lot of people in his life a lot of things. But he's pretty sure he's in love with Adam, and Adam’s stuck with him through some pretty ugly stuff already. He can trust Adam with this. He knows he can.

"When I was ten, there was an accident. A drunk driver ran us off the road. Its how I got the scar. Fuck...both my parents were killed, and I didn't have any family. They bought me my first guitar, and...Yeah, that's why I don't talk about my parents," Tommy explains.

"Oh, Tommy, that's terrible, I'm so sorry. Shit, I don't even know how to make this better for you. Nothing makes something like that better." Adam wraps his arms around Tommy and cuddles him close. Tommy curls himself in as tightly as possible, wanting to melt into Adam.

"You don't have to make it better. It's good just having you here. I was in a group home for five years after that." Tommy can almost feel Larry's fist hitting him that first time.

"Till you were fifteen. That's when you ended up..." Adam trails off.

"When I ended up a prostitute," Tommy finishes off for him.

"Thank you for telling me." Adam kisses him lightly on the forehead. 

"I'm glad I told you. But I really hate talking, and I would really like to stop talking about it now." Tommy sighs.

"No problem. Can I say one thing, though? I've been wanting to say it for a while, but I didn't know when the time was right. I didn't want to rush into things. You've been through a lot this year..." Adam breaks off.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me." Tommy’s sure that Adam doesn't have, like, some huge secret. Whatever he has to say can't be that bad.

"I'm in love with you. I think I've been falling from the start, from that first time we met. It's just gotten stronger and stronger. I don't think I've ever felt like this about someone, and I don't care if we have to hide it. I love you," Adam says, and Tommy can hear in his voice how much he means it.

Tommy kisses him, hard and fast.

"I love you too. I didn't want to. I was scared to, but I do," Tommy admits, and it feels good to say it. He thinks he's been falling just as long as Adam has.

Adam kisses him, soft and sugar sweet, and Tommy melts into it, clinging to Adam.

"They thought we were coming in here to have sex. Are we going to have sex?" Tommy asks, pushing Adam onto the bed till he can straddle him.

"I'm not about to say no to that, Tommy." Adam grins. 

Clothes come off, the lube and condoms come out, and Tommy gets himself ready, wanting to be in control, wanting to give himself to Adam. He rides Adam slowly till they’re both gasping and sweating, keeps going till they both come, orgasms leaving them lazy. And when they’re done, Adam kisses him and tells him he loves him, and a little bit of the pain in Tommy's heart seems to lessen.

 

+++++++

"Hey, Tommy, you have a letter!" Adam calls out. They’re getting to stay at Adam's place, seeing as they’re playing a local show this week.

Tommy comes down the stairs and finds Adam in the kitchen with the mail.

"Looks official," Adam says thoughtfully handing it over. 

Tommy sits down at the kitchen table and opens it. Reading it the first time without really taking in more than it's from a lawyer, and then it all hits him.

"Tommy Joe, are you okay?" Adam asks.

Not for the first time, Tommy has a choice with Adam. He could lie; keep his secret like he has for so many years. But he loves Adam. They're basically living together. It’s time to talk about something he’s never talked about with anyone before 

"This is going to take a little explaining. Starting a long time ago." Tommy takes a deep breath, and Adam comes to sit at the table with two cups of coffee.

"I don't mind if it's a long story." Adam looks interested.

"I was in the same group home for around five years. The guy who ran it, Larry, he wasn't a nice guy. He used to hit the kids," Tommy explains.

"Did you report him?" Adam asks.

"No, no one did. We were all too afraid, and his wife would have lied for him. She knew." Tommy sighs.

"People like that should never be around children," Adam all but growls.

"Things changed when this older kid came to the home. Jake. He was seventeen. He'd been in prison. He was dangerous. He stopped Larry hitting me, threatened him." Tommy can still remember when Jake came and made that offer to him.

"He protected you?" Adam asks.

"Not for free." Tommy takes a drink of his coffee, wishing it were whisky, but thinking it's probably better if he's sober for this.

"I don't understand." Adam frowns.

"He'd only stop Larry, protect me from getting beat on, if I slept with him, so I did." It sounds so sordid like that. It hadn't really felt like that at the time, but he’d been young.

"A seventeen year old boy blackmailed you into having sex? When you were already being physically abused?" Adam looks furious.

"He didn't make me. It was always my choice." He'd put up with the beatings for years. He could have kept doing that. As a horny teenager, sex for safety hadn't seemed so bad or wrong, but he knows now that it's a little fucked up. 

"I just...I can't believe how sweet and nice you are, even after going through all of these terrible things." Adam shakes his head.

"Umm, that's not everything." Tommy sighs.

"Go on. I won't interrupt," Adam says, taking Tommy's hand across the table.

"My roommate, my friend. He'd been there the whole time I had, longer. He couldn't take the beatings anymore, either; couldn't take the life we were living, and he didn't have Jake to protect him. He killed himself." Tommy can still remember the blood, so red on the crisp white sheets.

"I didn't want to end up like that. I wanted to leave. So Jake helped me run away. We got a place together. We still slept together, and he promised to keep me safe from everything, and for the most part he did. He dealt drugs and other illegal shit. He suggested the turning tricks." Tommy stops when Adam's hand tightens on his.

"Okay, I said I wasn't going to interrupt, but what an asshole," Adam growls.

"He had a lot of problems of his own. He'd been in care his whole life, and not good homes like I know you do get, and I think jail screwed him up worse. I'm not saying it was an excuse for how he acted, but no one ever taught him any better," Tommy explains. He’d hated Jake at times over the years, cared about him too, and the letter, the letter helps with some of his anger.

"He said once he'd never hurt me if I didn't deserve it, so the few times he hit me, I thought I deserved it, but I didn't. I know that now," Tommy says softly.

"He hit you?" Adam asks.

"Only a few times, but he said he was sorry, in the letter. Said he knows it was never my fault, that it was his." Tommy rubs his thumb over Adam's fingers. The acknowledgement means a lot to him. He blamed himself. He hated Jake. He forgave Jake, and blamed himself some more. To have Jake admit it was down to him, it means something.

"The letter was from Jake? How did he find you?" Adam scowls.

"It was from his lawyer, with a message from Jake in it. The lawyer found me so Jake could apologies. He wanted to," Tommy explains.

"Lawyer?" Adam asks.

"When I was eighteen, Jake went back to prison. Seems he's been in and out of jail a lot since then. Only this last time he killed someone in a jail fight; had so many charges he got the death penalty." Tommy could hardly believe it when he read it.

"I'm sorry. He hurt you, but I can tell you cared about him," Adam says softly.

"He wanted to say sorry, for pretty much everything. Said he regretted how he treated me. He'd seen me on TV and was glad that I was doing well. Told me not to live like him, not to live with your regrets till it's too late, and they’re all you have." Which had really got Tommy thinking.

"I'm glad he did that for you, at least. Damn, Tommy, you deserve a better life than you've had." Adam grips his hand tightly.

"Don't you see? I do have a better life now. Dream job...And you. I have you," Tommy says softly, but he really means it.

"I love you so much." Adam leans over and kisses him.

"I know you do, and I love you, and that letter, it had me thinking. I don't want regrets," Tommy says firmly.

"I'm not following." Adam looks so cute when he's confused. 

"I love you, and I know you don't like hiding that. Well, I think I'm ready to stop hiding." Tommy's afraid. He's not going to lie, but he doesn't want to regret anything, and he thinks he will if they keep hiding.

"You want to come out? Be open about our relationship?" Adam asks.

"Yeah, if you want to," Tommy says nervously.

"Of course I want to." Adam jumps up from his seat and pulls Tommy up from his, pulling Tommy into his arms, and Tommy knows he's made the right choice. Adam still loves him, even knowing the dark parts of his past. Adam is the right guy to take a chance on. 

 

++++++++

It’s one of their first shows in L.A, but that isn't why Tommy’s nervous, not at all, but one look at Adam across the stage singing his face off, Tommy's wildly fluttering heart calms down a little. 

And then the song comes to an end, and Adam starts introducing his band members. Tommy waits, like they'd planned, and then Adam’s at his side, and Tommy can't help but smile, so wide it almost hurts.

"And this is Tommy Joe. My boyfriend, my lover, my other half, the man I love," Adam declares loudly, and the cheers are deafening as Adam kisses him.

Tommy kisses back, unafraid of what will come tomorrow, because he's no longer walking his path alone.

 

The End.


End file.
